I Suck

Since my regular work schedule has consisted of 50 + hours a week for the past 6 months I've been feeling pretty miserable most of the time but on occasion I actually have a good day. The sun shines, the temperature is warm enough for me to wear cute sandals but not so hot I sweat ridiculously, employees and administrators take the advice I give them in a meeting at work, and my back fat is easily hidden by a dark colored cami. Yes sometimes I have a good day but then God gets wind of it and brings me back to reality. I am convinced that He must have some grand plan for my  life that requires me to be humble so he makes sure that I have a library of examples in my brain to remind me that I am human and that I suck. Here's the latest example.

As I was reading the church bulletin during service last week in an effort to stay awake during a long winded sermon, I came across a blurb about a young girl's conference that our church would be hosting this summer. The premise of the conference is for girls to recognize their inner beauty and strength and to learn how to prepare themselves for the difficulties of teen life. All women including mothers, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, friends, and neighbors are encouraged to invite any girl ages 12 to 21 that they think could benefit from the content that will be presented. I immediately connected with this event because I grew up always feeling like I would never truly fit in just being myself and I could have truly benefited from something like this. I have also been looking for an opportunity to volunteer my time to something this summer so I thought this would be a great opportunity. I went to the volunteer informational meeting the following Tuesday after work and met a group of really great women. They were friendly, charismatic, and passionate about enriching the lives of young girls. I began to pat myself on the back for taking the initiative to join this cause, then the meeting began and I quickly discovered that I couldn't have been more out of place.

The woman who was coordinating the conference began to share a little bit about herself and how she became involved with this group. We then went around the room and everyone introduced themselves and explained what brought them to the group. One by one each woman shared how many children she had and her fears for the things in the media influencing her teenage or soon to be teenage daughters. The woman coordinating the event had 3 daughters ages 14-21, the next woman had a son and daughter ages 6 & 10, the woman sitting next to her had 5 children 4 daughters and 1 son ages 5-18, the next woman actually had 3 sons and I'm sitting there thinking what did I just walk into? I did not realize how focused this was on parents trying to connect with their children so I started to think that maybe I was not the ideal volunteer for this event. I later found that they were even having special sessions during the conference just for the mothers.

As they continued around the room to each woman and her litter of children, I quickly began to plan my escape. Was there a way I could duck out of this meeting completely unnoticed before I had to admit in front of all God's children that I have none of my own? Before I could come up with a decent escape route it was my turn to introduce myself. I told everyone my name and why I wanted to be a part of the event then the inevitable question came blaring from the other side of the room. "Do you have any kids?" I had to confess that I had no children and without skipping a beat the coordinator smiled said "Well that's alright because we need all types of people here." All the other women quickly nodded their heads in agreement and support of the childless girl in their midst. I'm still not really sure what she meant by her statement. Did they need single people? African-American people? Vain people? Wildly uncomfortable people? Lucky for them I'm all 4 wrapped up in one inadequate volunteer. As the meeting went on my ovary hung its head in shame.

When I got home that night I decided to scroll through the news feed on my Facebook page because I had not yet adequately destroyed my self-confidence for the day. I came across a photo posted on the page of a girl I knew in high school. I think it's safe to say that we were friends at the time but we haven't kept in touch. She moved to Tennessee for college, met the man of her dreams, and stayed there. They've been married for 7 years and had their 1st child a year ago. I heard through the grapevine that they were buying a new house because these are the things that married people talk to me about as if I can somehow relate. Her parents went there to help her move in and posted a picture of her new house. Actually the correct term for what was pictured is a mini mansion. I'm talking it looked like the Kardashian's starter home. It had an impeccably manicured lawn, vaulted ceilings, and a walk-in closet worthy of all my envy. I am 6 months older than she is and the only thing I own is 6 years of student loans. She lives the life of a respectable adult, the kind of life I actually imagined that I would have by now but thanks to layoffs, heartbreak, and reality I am more of a fabulous nomad still trying to figure it all out. It was in that moment that I remembered how much I suck.

This week's obsession is this fantastic polka-dot linen blazer from J.Crew. I've been completely obsessed with this jacket since it made its debut on the website about a month ago. It is currently on a promotional sale this weekend for $168 but as every savvy J.Crew shopper knows if you wait a few weeks for an additional price drop and keep your eye out for their standard additional 30% off weekend sales you can snag this beauty for at least half price and since I have already called to confirm that they are fully stocked with my size that is exactly what I will be doing.

Please also notice those cute ribbon sandals that the model is sporting. I called to inquire about the price only to find out that they had completely sold out online. I never even saw them featured (still not sure how this is possible) so obviously theses sandals were so hot they couldn't even keep them in stock. They quickly went from cute to must have. They did a store search and found them for me in one of their New York stores so I will be testing these out when little brown shorts (my UPS guy) drops them off at my front door next week. I got them 25% off which isn't great but it may seem totally worth it when I slide my feet into them.

Oh Mother

We celebrated Mother's Day recently and no one can say that I didn't do my part. Normally I take my mom out to brunch after church and gift her with whatever ridiculously inexpensive gift she asked for insisting that I not spend too much on her. This year I thought I would step things up a notch and I treated her to a weekend of shopping in the city. I booked a nice hotel room and even got tickets to the ballet. She's not a fan of the ballet particularly modern pieces but she went to appease me. After a late night watching beautiful people leap around the stage in point shoes (which I love by the way), a breakfast buffet built for champions (which it should be because it cost $13 a person) and 4 hours of shopping later she told me that she had a great time. She's a liar. I said it, my mother lied to me. There's no possible way she could have enjoyed spending 36 continuous hours with me because other than the fact that she gave birth to me, we have nothing in common.

I must admit that penchant for shopping is completely my mother's fault. I was practically raised in a mall. There was a cafeteria in our local mall that had tasty reasonably priced meals so we would go there every Thursday after my mom got off of work and picked me up from school. After dinner we would walk around the mall and window shop. Sears was her sanctuary so we would always go in there first and one of us would normally end up trying on clothes. We wouldn't always buy anything and even if we did there was a 50% chance my mother would return it because she was so indecisive. Once she became brave enough to drive on the highway we would go to the city for the day about once a month and go to one of the shopping center's there. It was our way of bonding.

Around the age of 12 I started to come into my own sense of style which was completely different than my mother's. She dressed like an old school church lady and I dressed like someone who was obsessed with The Limited Too because I was. It was then I realized how different we were. I became obsessed with Enrique Iglesias' Escape album but my mother made fun of me because she said he sounded like he was crying on his most popular song Hero. The woman couldn't even show me the Enrique love. She was attracted to men with long flowy hair and I loved preppy guys with a crew cut. (My father is bald by the way). She loves to sing in front of people I lip sync in all situations as to not embarrass myself. She despises reality TV I cannot get enough of it. She would prefer to only wear the colors black and brown and I have an aversion to wearing anything that isn't bright, bold, or a print. She has enough money in the bank to live off of for years I have enough to live off of until the end of this day. She eats ice cream even though she is lactose intolerant and I eat ice cream even though I have cellulite. Well that last one doesn't really count I guess.

We eat dinner together every Friday and after we have finished our appetizers we usually sit in silence because we have run out of things to say. Isn't that the saddest thing ever? I used to think I might be adopted and was abandoned by a Hollywood has been who wouldn't keep me because the pregnancy gave her stretchmarks and she would never forgive me. I would imagine that there was a mansion in California that was my birthright and I would get a jeep and a tight Calvin Klein dress like Cher did in Clueless but Dion was the black girl so I guess I should have dreamed of having braids and a tumultuous relationship with Donald Fasion. But alas those dreams would never come true because I very closely resemble my cousins so that theory is out.

I love my mother more than I can adequately put into words because I only now realize by watching my friends with their children how much she sacrificed for me. She's the only person I will ever trust 100% and the thought of her retiring in the next year frightens me because it is now becoming my role to take care of her. I would do anything for her but realizing that one day she won't be able to take care of herself is unsettling to say the least. She's always been so fiercely independent that I can't imangine her ever needing anyone for anything. How could the woman who always took care of everything now be forced to rely on me who takes care of nothing. The thought of having children scares me most of all because I know I'm not capable of being the mother she's been to me. My gifts lie elsewhere like being able to toast a bagel without burning down the house, finding the perfect Ralph Lauren onesie for a baby who will only be able to wear it once, sleeping through meetings with my eyes open, judging reality TV stars, the list goes on and on.

 This week's obsession is this stunning creation from Charlotte Olympia. This beauty sits up at 5 3/4 inches and is currently on sale for $733 at Neiman  Marcus. I know the word sale and the price $733 should never be spoken together unless you are talking about a brand new computer but there are women in the world that would find that to be a great deal and I hate them. I don't have any weddings on the calendar this summer to attend but if I did I would sport these babies on the dancefloor until I could no longer walk or until the other ladies got viciously jealous of my shoes whichever happened first.

Weighing In

So Rob Kardashian looks like this now and I think we need to discuss it. Like most of America I have a love hate relationship with the Kardashian family. I love watching the various versions of their reality shows and I hate myself for it. Khloe is my favorite because she's open about how often her weight fluctuates (which sadly I can relate to) and she's the only one in that family that keeps it real....well as real as you can be when you make millions of dollars because your sister made a sex tape thus making your family fascinating. I also like Kourtney and Rob because they are the only two in the family to have actually graduated from college. They still don't do anything of substance now but they did at least go to college so I respect that. Since graduating college Rob has really struggled with finding his place in the family and life in general. His father was a big time lawyer and a successful business man so he set the bar pretty high for his only son. His sisters have become a brand themselves peddling clothes, fragrances, and tell all books thanks in a large part to Kim's popularity. Rob often laments about how successful his sisters are and how difficult it is for him to carve out his own success apart from them.

He seemed a little more hopeful when he was dating that Cheetah girl and was doing an internship. After he broke up with the cheetah and moved out of the apartment they shared together he moved in with Khloe and her hubby which is where I think it all started to go downhill for him. I must say that I have no idea why he lives with his sister because that family is worth an obscene amount of money and I'm sure a small part of it could be used to by the lone male Kardashian a decent condo. Anyway, he began making regular Taco Bell runs with everyone's favorite douche bag and father to Kourtney's children Scott Disick and coming home to demolish all the treats in the pantry that were put there for Lamar's consumption. I remember a few episodes when he complained about feeling out of shape but it didn't really seem to phase him because the video games he spent all his days playing didn't pass judgement and let's face it no one holds him accountable for anything besides Khloe.

One day he woke up from what was likely his 3rd nap of the day and declared that he had discovered his passion for socks. What does that even mean? He decided that he wanted to start a line of designer socks as if this would somehow change the world. He came up with a few designs and had Khole's BFF Malika, who had always had a crush on Rob, model them while wearing nothing else. Nothing came of those promotional photos but I believe they did sleep together a few times just for the fun of it. I take it that he went back to the drawing board because several months after that episode aired, Neiman Marcus signed on to sell his line of socks which he now called Arthur George and sold for $30 a pair. Initially there was quite a buzz about this and he even did several in-store appearances (many accompanied by his sisters to ensure a good turnout) to promote his business venture. I've seen the socks and as a lover of accessories I must say that the designs aren't anything new or particularly appealing but if you put a pseudo-celebrity's name on them they don't have to be.

During all of his marginal success a rumor started that he was dating the British & brash pop starlet Rita Ora. Neither party would confirm this but several weeks later Rob began tweeting a series of nasty things about Miss Ora leading us to believe that she burned him pretty bad. He started showing up everywhere in t-shirts and sweatpants looking like a lost puppy. The E! network recently aired a Kardashian special where they sat down with Ryan Secrest, who is largely responsible for all their success, to give an intimate and honest interview about the highs and lows of success. Rob's weight was brought up of course because how could you not mention that? He said that he didn't realize how out of control things had gotten until he looked down and found that his penis looked small because of the gut that was now hovering over it. He has now started a weight loss journey and his penis is now appearing larger and larger everyday. For all of you marrieds who are envious of us single girls because you believe we're out there dating all these handsome eligible bachelor's please be reminded that Rob is one of them and then say a prayer for us.

This week's obsession is this pair of bright blue python heels created by the always amazing Brian Atwood. These beauties sit at 6.2 inches above the ground and will cost you $1200. Lucky for me the picture is free so that I can put it on my desktop and dream about one day having a job that would afford me such a ridiculous luxury. I must admit the highest heel I have in my collection is only 4.5 inches so I'm not exactly sure what would happen to me if given and extra 2 inches to walk in. Actually I'm quite sure the results would be disastrous but I am fairly certain I could stand still in them and take a fabulous picture which is all that really matters. By the way, Rachel Zoe could chase her toddler around a park in Paris in these heels which makes me feel grossly inadequate. Isn't that awful?

Painting Faces

So the big news around the office this week is that The Sleeve and one of her random Match.com dates are now Facebook official. The reason this is big news is because she has taken approximately 5 hours of each 7.5 hour workday to go to each employee's office telling them everything about their relationship in grave detail. I'm talking such detail she made a point to tell me she had to go home and wash the sheets on her bed so that she's prepared "just in case". Maybe I should have told her that whenever a man comes to your home he will always hope that is a possibility he's just waiting to gage whether or not you are going to shut him down if he casually suggests it. By the way he casually suggested that 2 weeks ago and she took the bait. Did I want to know that? Not at all but unfortunately that is part of my knowledge now and I wish I could forget it.

Anyways, she's been dating this troll for about a month now and this weekend he is taking her out of town to meet his father and step-mother. Yes I am referring to him as a troll simply because it's the first thing that came to mind after she insisted on showing me his Facebook pictures. If you saw him you would probably agree that it's a fairly accurate description for what you see. Besides, he's a troll with a good job, no baby mama drama, and a condo near the nicest park in town. I can only hope to have a troll like that myself someday.

She is very excited about this meeting because it normally means that things are getting serious when family introductions are made. He's 42 and she's 35 with a desire to have children as soon as humanly possible so she has admitted that she's okay with being on the fastrack with all of this. She seems to be in a much happier place and I am happy for her because I am a big supporter of women in the over 30 club finding love especially when society tells you it's nearly impossible (except of course for those OurTime.com commercials that makes finding love over age 50 as simple as a few clicks). My only issue with all of this is that she has finally begun to wear makeup and style her hair but only on the days that she knows she will see him. I've been working with her for about a year and a half now and ever since my first day there she has looked like a hot mess every day. We have meetings with various administrators and executives on a regular basis yet she she still comes to work with uncombed hair and not a stitch of makeup regardless.

She also wears the same 4 outfits every week. This consists of two 3/4 sleeved fitted t-shirts 1 solid color and 1 print and 2 solid color long sleeved sweaters. On Friday's she wears jeans and an oversized t-shirt with a Disney character on it. In the Spring and Summer she switches out the sweaters for an argyle cardigan and a lace camisole. It's not about the amount of clothes that she has because I believe you only need to have a few staple pieces for work but they should be professional. She has worked at Lane Bryant for 10 years and they are known for having fun and chic clothing for plus size women. She actually boasts about all of the cute clothes that she has collected from them over the years with her generous 40%-50% discounts and at this point in her weight loss journey she's wearing the smallest size they have at the store. Have I ever seen them? Unfortunately I have not. However, whenever she knows she's going out to dinner with the troll she runs over to the store to buy a new outfit just to go to Applebee's. Are you freakin' kidding me?

Why do some women save all their best stuff just to impress a man? Shouldn't you care how you present yourself to all human beings? I literally have spent hours listening to her talk about a wide range of nonsense but she never dresses up for me. The troll gets all the goods and I am offended.  I would appreciate seeing a little color on that ghostly face from time to time. The Sleeve has spent the better half of her life commiserating her single status but she walks around looking like sad sack. Now that she's met someone she can't seem to believe her good fortune. It's amazing what can happen when you slap on some concealer and a smile isn't it? Everyday I strive to do my best and that includes looking my best because I want to experience the best that life has to offer in all facets of my life. It doesn't require spending an absurd amount of time or a fortune to look pulled together when you leave your house in the morning but you should do it because you want to present your best self all the time and not just when you think someone will be watching you. Trust me someone is always watching you. It's amazing the opportunities that can present themselves when you choose to put your best out into the universe everyday and it can be something greater than meeting a random guy although that's always fun when a free meal is involved.

Sorry to disappoint you but this week's obsession is not clothing but instead I leave you with the beautiful scene pictured above. A friend of mine recently returned from a vacation to West Palm beach with her mother. They stayed at the Four Seasons there and she cannot stop singing the praises of the staff there. She says they actually cried the morning they checked out of the hotel because they didn't want to leave. It is a place where the answer to any question is "Of course we can do that!" Naturally I believe this is the life I was meant to live. I am now obsessed with my desire to go there and experience all this for myself. If I put my tax return towards the trip instead of towards a few months of student loans (who am I kidding part of it is going to a pair of Tom Ford sunglasses) I should be able to afford a few days in paradise in September. I will be calling the hotel in the morning to inquire about the average cost of a tennis lesson with one of their local pros.

31st Birthday

Please take note that I did not entitle this blog entry Happy 31st birthday because I'm not particularly happy about it but I can't stop it from happening. All the milestone birthdays I looked forward to have passed so now I'm just getting older with no real purpose. I can legally drink and rent a car. What's left? My birthday fell on a Thursday this year and there was no way in hell that I was going to spend the day at work so 3 months ago I scheduled to take Thursday  and Friday off to "celebrate" my birthday. Last year for my birthday I spent the day at the Four Seasons St. Louis Spa and had such an amazing experience I decided that this must be an annual occurrence. If you want to take measures to ensure your birthday doesn't suck you simply must take matters into your own hands. Never plan a surprise party for yourself because it will be a disaster and everyone that attends will only complain behind your back about how narcissistic you are. If you leave it up to your friends they will likely plan a random outing that turns into more of a roast than a celebration or they may completely forget about your birthday all together. I found that spending the day in seclusion works best because you'll get exactly what you want and you don't have to fake having a good time when your really miserable.

This year when I called to book my services I found that they now offered a special 3 hour birthday spa package that included a creme brulee butter cream body treatment, a 50 minute massage, and a butter cream pedicure. And yes it cost as much as you think it did but don't judge my splurge. I arrived at the spa 30 minutes early so I could wade in the relaxation pool before my treatments began. I was feeling particularly brave that day so I put on my cute little yellow skirted J. Crew bikini and covered myself in a robe. I went out into the co-ed area of the spa where the pool is located and found that it was completely empty. I couldn't ask for a better scenario. I threw off my robe and climbed into the pool where I enjoyed 30 minutes of peaceful floating in warm cucumber infused water overlooking a beautiful view of downtown St. Louis.

I put in a call to room service to request that a glass of Moscato be brought up to the spa for me just as Emily my favorite esthetician came to get me for my eyebrow wax. Confession, I was a waxing virgin until I met Emily a year ago. My pedicurist made a comment gently suggesting that my eyebrows were unruly so naturally I freaked out about it. On one of my spa trips last year I had Emily work in a lip, chin, & eyebrow wax with my European facial because I figured they probably had the best estheticians in the world there and believe me they do. She waxed those puppies into shape and I loved the way they turned out. Now I have an aversion to going to anyone else because I'm terrified that they will take too much off. Emily knows my brows so intimately! Anyways, after she tortured my eyebrows into the perfect shape she led me back out to the relaxation area where she brought me my glass of Moscato and I enjoyed every last sip. There is something so glorious about drinking at 11:30 am on a weekday. This must be what Ke$ha's life is like. While I was sipping on wine and waiting for my next treatment I checked my cellphone and found that I received a birthday text from my ex. More about that in just a moment.

Monica came exactly at noon to get me for my body treatment and massage. Monica was my masseuse the last time I came to the spa a few months back and she is easily one of the nicest people I have ever met and she is very passionate about wellness. I sent her a thank you card after my visit last time and she remembered and took the time to let me know. Not only did she make sure to bring me a special robe that said "Birthday Girl" on it, she reserved one of the couple treatment rooms for me which was a big deal because those are the best rooms in the spa. They are ridiculously spacious and even have a separate shower and seating area in the room so that you don't have to walk back through the spa and to the locker room to rinse off. After my body treatment I got to use the shower in the room which had dual shower heads on the ceiling and the sides of the wall. That shower could have easily held a family of 6 with room to spare. After a brief lounge on the super comfy couch in the seating area, I enjoyed my massage so much I actually fell asleep during it. I was then escorted to my butter cream pedicure by a lovely manicurist named Kat where I picked a pink sparkly polish (of course) and was treated to a large red velvet cupcake made especially for me. I emerged from the spa a new woman plucked, scrubbed, & completely refreshed. Those people really know how to pamper a girl on her birthday.

So back to the text from hell. The text itself seemed very sincere on the surface but let's face it anything that can open up the wound of rejection must have been sent from Satan himself. The text said "For some reason the song Man Like That by Gin Wigmore makes me think of U, LOL! Happy Birthday". I acknowledged that I like that song and said thank you. To that he replied "I'm sure you will have a great day of awesomeness. Thanks for never disappointing :)" I was too busy having a fabulous day of relaxation that I didn't even register what he said so naturally I waited until the next day to really dissect his text messages. If you've never heard this song it's basically a woman educating her ex's new plaything about all the shady things he will likely end up doing to her. I believe he's reminded of me when he hears this song because I was known in our group of friends as the one who would dole out sensible man advice to co-workers who were married to or in love with douchebags. The guy I hooked up with last night at the bar hasn't called me back what should I do? Stop being a slut. I found sexy texts on my husbands phone and he comes home smelling like Victoria's Secret Heaven. Is he cheating on me? Yes. Please note those are actual questions I've been asked by women desperate not to be alone. He knows I wouldn't settle for that mess so I guess I haven't disappointed him but the fact that I was ever with him is a major disappointment to me. Receiving any text from the ex just makes things worse and brings me back to that dark place I existed in for months after the breakup. I wish I could tell you that 2 years later I don't ever feel that way when I think about him now but that would be a complete lie. I feel like I should be getting better with this as more time passes but I'm still very much a work in progress.

This week's obsession are the items pictured above that I purchased for myself during a short excursion to J.Crew after my trip to the spa. The polk-a-dot tee was a must have because it includes two of my favorite obsessions things with polk-a-dots and things that are pink. The pink long-sleeved tee is a closet staple that I somehow didn't have. The skirt is a gorgeous lavender piece from their collection line and it has tiny circles on it. There's so much I can do with this I don't even know where to begin. The blue striped infinity scarf was 50% off and I wear scarves pretty much everyday so that was a no brainer. Finally my favorite purchase was the neon pink leather ballet flats. I tried to get these last year but they sold out the second they went on sale. They came out with a slightly different pink color this year and I snatched them up for 35% off so I was pleased. All in all not a bad day.

Easter Sunday

Well friends another Easter has come and gone and an abundance of nougat filled chocolate eggs will soon be half price for the taking. I myself just purchased a surplus of Peeps. I am always fascinated at how religious people seem to get this time of year. People who are normally hungover til 3 in the afternoon on Sundays are surprisingly up bright and bushy tailed at the sunrise service. Those who normally only speak God's name with a dammit after it spend hours preparing the perfect Passover meal. Now don't get me wrong I'm not judging anyone for drinking or cursing because I am one who enjoys a glass of wine every now and again and I have been known to utter an F-bomb once or twice a month under my breath. I mean I work in Human Resources so that's kind of expected no?

Anyways I have a friend who was raised in a very religious Catholic family and married a Jewish man a few years ago. Neither one of them are particularly religious now as adults so they didn't make any plans to go to church with either family since they don't attend church with any regularity. I could understand that. I know that each family has an Easter tradition so showing up for church on Easter and Christmas to appease an ailing grandmother or persistent father is part of the game that some of us have to play to keep the peace. I'm not at all suggesting that those who go to church regularly are super spiritual or better than anyone else. There are people I know who are in a pew everytime the church doors are open but they are horrible human beings. I'm just saying that it's amusing to sit back and watch the show in a packed sanctuary that normally has an abundance of open seats on Sunday morning.

No one is perfect and you will never hear me claim to be. I do consider myself a Christian and for me that means following a very simple rule that is extremely difficult to do sometimes. For my people we believe that Jesus died on a cross and rose from the dead on this day as a symbol of God's unconditional love and forgiveness. I know it sounds a little far fetched and even a little like voodoo magic or something but that's the story. Since He did that for us we are also supposed to show the same kind of love and compassion to others regardless of how they treat us or what they believe. I'm not a Bible scholar and this blog is meant to be fun so I'm not going to change the regular subject matter away from fashion and vanity but I just made some observations that I felt like blogging about.

This week's obsession hardly needs an introduction. Jenna Lyon's J.Crew Creative Director & my fashion role model took the time to give us a 2 minute look at her coveted shoe collection. Above is a snapshot from a short video she took talking about where she gets the inspiration for J. Crew collections. Isn't this beautiful? It's like candy for the feet. I actually own one pair that is shown and it makes me feel like a real fashionista. They of course are far too nice to actually wear outdoors so really that just makes me a fool for buying them but they look great as I prance around my room in them.

The Real World

Occasionally MTV creates a show so addicting that it causes people neglect their jobs, children, spouses, and even personal hygiene just so they don't miss a minute of the action. Most recently they've had this success with the 16 & Pregnant/Teen Mom franchise and of course who could forget Snooki & friends on the Jersey Shore. All of these fantastically salacious shows would never have come to be if it were not for the 1st reality series that paved the way for party animals, pregnant teens, and Kardashians everywhere, The Real World. The series started in 1992 and the world has never been the same. They started out in New York with 7 strangers and used the same formula for each season but put the cast in a different city and each season was better than the last.....well at least for the first 10 seasons because let's face it it's been pretty sub par ever since. I don't care to remember how much of my teens & 20's I've wasted watching endless reruns of this show but I was reminded of those special times of laziness when MTV blessed me with a marathon of past Real World season's this weekend.

The funny thing about the Real World is that it bears no resemblance to reality at all. I do believe that they first few seasons were pretty real because they hadn't done it before. They made sure every race, gender, socioeconomic status, and sexual orientation was properly represented and then they turned on the cameras to see how things would play out. The first few seasons challenged people's political and religious beliefs and even broke some racial barriers. The show has since turned into a 8 week audition for VH-1's Celebrity Rehab (another show that was amazingly delicious for the 1st season and then just sad after that). Now that people know they type of characters they like to cast and the fame that can come from it, people are actually making a career out of becoming reality tv stars which takes the "realness" out of the show but you know I still watch it religiously.

Regardless of how ridiculous the show has become it has served up some great moments in reality tv history. There was of course Tami who had her mouth wired shut in order to lose weight and then was drug through the house by a towel screaming sexual harassment. She's now an ex-basketball wife proving their is life after the Real World. Ruthie left her mark on the franchise by being the first admitting alcoholic. I believe Trishelle blessed us with our first Real World pregnancy scare after hooking up with Steven sans condoms. Flora and Melissa from the Miami season...enough said. And my all time favorite the slap heard round the world when Steven slaps Irene across the face for calling him gay. Seattle was one of my favorite seasons because David dated Kira the casting director who also happened to be African-American and she gave up her job just to be with him. That was of course a foolish decision on her part but I loved seeing interracial couples on television. I also loved that season because Janet made smoking look really cool. If you really want to know London was my favorite because it had Jay Frank and I was in love with his sensitivity and general ambivalence. I was 13 don't judge me.

I must admit that a part of me would have loved to have some type of Real World experience in my 20's. When I lay in bed at night fearful of becoming my mother, it would be nice to have a memory of spending a summer in a tricked out house with 6 gorgeous roommates pretending to work for a food stipend, and making a series of bad decisions while drinking grey goose straight out of the bottle. Sure it may cause a problem if any future potential employers were to google me before deciding to extend a hire offer but maybe it would afford me free appetizers at Chili's if someone on the waitstaff were to remember me.

This week's obsession are these beautiful satin cap toe pumps from J.Crew. These scream adult girliness to me so naturally I had to have them. I will admit that I originally purchased them at only 15% off out of fear that they would sell out. It turns out that the size I ordered was too snug so I return them and when I went to order the next size up I found that they had been marked down 25% and then I got an additional 30% off of that price because they were running a promotion. I believe that was God letting me know that I needed them. These beauties are sitting in my closet patiently awaiting a proper spring day so that they can be seen in all their glory.