Oh Mother

We celebrated Mother's Day recently and no one can say that I didn't do my part. Normally I take my mom out to brunch after church and gift her with whatever ridiculously inexpensive gift she asked for insisting that I not spend too much on her. This year I thought I would step things up a notch and I treated her to a weekend of shopping in the city. I booked a nice hotel room and even got tickets to the ballet. She's not a fan of the ballet particularly modern pieces but she went to appease me. After a late night watching beautiful people leap around the stage in point shoes (which I love by the way), a breakfast buffet built for champions (which it should be because it cost $13 a person) and 4 hours of shopping later she told me that she had a great time. She's a liar. I said it, my mother lied to me. There's no possible way she could have enjoyed spending 36 continuous hours with me because other than the fact that she gave birth to me, we have nothing in common.

I must admit that penchant for shopping is completely my mother's fault. I was practically raised in a mall. There was a cafeteria in our local mall that had tasty reasonably priced meals so we would go there every Thursday after my mom got off of work and picked me up from school. After dinner we would walk around the mall and window shop. Sears was her sanctuary so we would always go in there first and one of us would normally end up trying on clothes. We wouldn't always buy anything and even if we did there was a 50% chance my mother would return it because she was so indecisive. Once she became brave enough to drive on the highway we would go to the city for the day about once a month and go to one of the shopping center's there. It was our way of bonding.

Around the age of 12 I started to come into my own sense of style which was completely different than my mother's. She dressed like an old school church lady and I dressed like someone who was obsessed with The Limited Too because I was. It was then I realized how different we were. I became obsessed with Enrique Iglesias' Escape album but my mother made fun of me because she said he sounded like he was crying on his most popular song Hero. The woman couldn't even show me the Enrique love. She was attracted to men with long flowy hair and I loved preppy guys with a crew cut. (My father is bald by the way). She loves to sing in front of people I lip sync in all situations as to not embarrass myself. She despises reality TV I cannot get enough of it. She would prefer to only wear the colors black and brown and I have an aversion to wearing anything that isn't bright, bold, or a print. She has enough money in the bank to live off of for years I have enough to live off of until the end of this day. She eats ice cream even though she is lactose intolerant and I eat ice cream even though I have cellulite. Well that last one doesn't really count I guess.

We eat dinner together every Friday and after we have finished our appetizers we usually sit in silence because we have run out of things to say. Isn't that the saddest thing ever? I used to think I might be adopted and was abandoned by a Hollywood has been who wouldn't keep me because the pregnancy gave her stretchmarks and she would never forgive me. I would imagine that there was a mansion in California that was my birthright and I would get a jeep and a tight Calvin Klein dress like Cher did in Clueless but Dion was the black girl so I guess I should have dreamed of having braids and a tumultuous relationship with Donald Fasion. But alas those dreams would never come true because I very closely resemble my cousins so that theory is out.

I love my mother more than I can adequately put into words because I only now realize by watching my friends with their children how much she sacrificed for me. She's the only person I will ever trust 100% and the thought of her retiring in the next year frightens me because it is now becoming my role to take care of her. I would do anything for her but realizing that one day she won't be able to take care of herself is unsettling to say the least. She's always been so fiercely independent that I can't imangine her ever needing anyone for anything. How could the woman who always took care of everything now be forced to rely on me who takes care of nothing. The thought of having children scares me most of all because I know I'm not capable of being the mother she's been to me. My gifts lie elsewhere like being able to toast a bagel without burning down the house, finding the perfect Ralph Lauren onesie for a baby who will only be able to wear it once, sleeping through meetings with my eyes open, judging reality TV stars, the list goes on and on.

 This week's obsession is this stunning creation from Charlotte Olympia. This beauty sits up at 5 3/4 inches and is currently on sale for $733 at Neiman  Marcus. I know the word sale and the price $733 should never be spoken together unless you are talking about a brand new computer but there are women in the world that would find that to be a great deal and I hate them. I don't have any weddings on the calendar this summer to attend but if I did I would sport these babies on the dancefloor until I could no longer walk or until the other ladies got viciously jealous of my shoes whichever happened first.