I truly believe that the coolest thing about each day we're given on this earth is the fact that at the start of the day you have no idea what the day will bring. You plan to go on vacation but your flight gets canceled. You went to sleep not knowing how to pay an unexpected bill and you wake up with a phone call from a family member giving you money because they just knew you needed it. Good and bad things that you don't plan on happening simply happen sometime and it's always interesting to see how people deal with the unexpected.
My Sunday was very typical. I went to church with my mom and then I went into work for a few hours because I was covering for a co-worker who is vacationing on a cruise ship somewhere. I stopped by Panera on the way home to get my current favorite meal Fuji apple chicken salad and chicken tortilla soup with green tea and a giant chocolate chip cookie. I settled in at home, ate my lunch, and snuggled up in a blanket on the couch as I had planned on falling into a peaceful napping state while watching the Pop-up Video edition of Jersey Shore when I got a text from my ex that said:
"I know things didn't end up the way we imagined, but I wanted you to know that I really miss the positive person that you are and I hate the way that I just let you go. I shouldn't have been afraid of how I felt. I regret how I handled a lot of things. I don't know why I'm babbling, but I wanted you to know that you had more of an impact on me than I thought possible. I'm sorry it took me so long to say it. You are an amazing person and I'm an ass and a dumb one at that."
How on earth do I respond to that? I've spent an entire year trying to get over him. He broke up with me in an email so it's fitting that he apologize over a text message I suppose. The thing is this whole time I believed that I was in the relationship by myself. I poured my heart out to him and he did not reciprocate. I took a new job and left town and it didn't seem to phase him at all. I've worn out copies of all my Adele cd's, singlehandedly kept the Kleenex corporation in business crying into their tissues for hours at a time, and I can sing the lyrics to Sara Bareilles Gravity in my sleep. I finally began to heal and feel like I had grown from the pain that was the dissolution of our relationship and then he finally says to me everything that I wished he would have said when I walked out that door 6 months ago.
I thought I would yell or scream and curse him like I had always imagined myself doing. I spent 20 minutes thinking of how to respond and then I realized that so many women who go through a breakup like this never get an apology. I was lucky. I thought that he didn't care when all this time he did. I felt relieved because I was finally able to confirm that it really wasn't me it was him all along and I can be free. I told him that I appreciated hearing his words because I did and he went on to say that he had been very depressed since my departure and had bottled everything up inside so he had to get it off his chest. Did hearing this make me happy? No it didn't because as hurt as I was a part of me still cares about him and probably always will. But I will admit I took a little pleasure in hearing that.
Of course now you're wondering what this all means and quite frankly so am I. The day I found out through friends that he was interested in me was at the time the most beautifully unexpected moment of my life up to that point but 3 years later look what that has gotten me. He didn't say that he wanted to get back together with me nor did he say that he wanted to speak to me in person or over the phone to further explain himself and I really think he should have. There is so much that was left unsaid and I have so many questions but I was so grateful for the apology that I didn't push him for anything more. It's possible that he does this to all his past girlfriends and plays the apology game when he decides he wants them back. It's also very possible that he was being sincere.
Have I gone back and read that text message 25 times analyzing every single word? You know I have. I have not decided what I should do next. Should I invite him to Starbucks for a chat? Do I wait for him to come crawling back? Do I just ignore what he said and walk away? I honestly don't know what to do. So much has happened I can't even begin to list the changes that would have to take place in order to have a healthy relationship with him so for now I will do nothing and wait for the next unexpected event because sometimes life just decides for you.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Outfit of the Day
Love this outfit so thought I would share it. Teddie Dress in decadent red & suede prong belt both from J. Crew. Buckle boots Madden Girl.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
A few finds
My 5 inch colorblock heels came today! These have been the bright spot to an otherwise gloomy Saturday as the high today was only 35 degrees. I cannot wait to take these girls for a spin in the Spring weather!
I also was able to get the crystal braided belt from J.Crew that I've been dying to have since November. They got some more sizes in during their winter sale a few weeks ago so I snagged this beauty for $30.
Here are two colorful outfits I put together during our very mild winter. Hoping to put these sweaters and Uggs away for several months if the weather will cooperate.
My spring wardrobe must have list is getting longer & longer each day so more pictures to come as sale prices roll in :)
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Confession
Confession, I texted the dreaded ex today. Why you ask? Am I a masochist? Probably, but the real reason is simple. I was bored. It's Saturday night and I'm sitting home alone eating a bacon cheeseburger and watching Moneyball simply for the fact that is was nominated for an Oscar and Brad Pitt is in it. I wanted to carry on a conversation of mindless chatter and I knew that he would provide that for me, at least that's what I had hoped. I sent him a useless message three hours ago and he has yet to respond. I imagine he's still mad at me for not replying to the text message he sent me two weeks ago but it didn't require a response as he only sent me a statement about a show I haven't watched in two years. In true passive aggressive fashion he will likely respond to me some time tomorrow afternoon making up an excuse for not replying when I am 99% sure he's been at home all weekend playing video games.
The whole idea of even contacting him came from a conversation I had earlier this week. I had the pleasure of having dinner after work with a girl I used to work with at my first job out of college. We were both loan processors for a mortgage company and became fast friends over our general dislike of our jobs. In what turned out to be the biggest blessing of our lives we were both laid off by that company & started working for the same insurance company. Still a thankless job but it paid better than our old jobs. We had kept in touch but hadn't actually seen each other in nearly 4 years until this past Wednesday. She recently became engaged to her boyfriend of 7 years and it's a very exciting time for them both. I remember when we started working together they were only 20 years old and had just bought a house together. They are getting married in Niagara Falls and having a wedding reception in town in the fall. I must say I'm very grateful I don't have to attend their wedding stag. At least with a reception I can sneak in, scarf down a piece of cake, wish them the best, and sneak right back out all in a span of 15 minutes.
She's incredibly happy. She's also trying to get into the HR field and I was so happy to have the opportunity to give her the "Your dreams will eventually come true" pep talk that I had to give myself for the past 8 years until things finally worked out. She asked me about my job and I actually had something to say. Before when people would ask me about my job I had to come up with different ways to make customer service drone sound interesting but now that I've finally landed the job I've always wanted I'm no longer ashamed to talk about what I do. The best part of the night was the fact that I was out of the house for a reason other than work. Sadly that was the first social interaction I've had in the past 4 months since I moved back to town.
It was also fun to find out what had been happening at the company since I left. Hearing gossip about the place you hated working at always makes the beverage your sipping on taste even sweeter. She mentioned some of the things going on and I knew my ex was getting the brunt of some of that so I sent him a text to inquire how things were going at work. I of course already knew the answer but I was looking for an excuse to contact him and I was feeling weak. One of the blogs I follow challenged its readers to spend 30 days wishing happiness to someone who has done you wrong so I've done that for my ex. I'm only 6 days in and its hard to say it out loud but surprisingly each day it gets a little easier. I know he's miserable not because of my absence but because of a series of things from his past that he refuses to let go of. I've actually prayed that he will learn to let it go and let love in. Clearly there is something very wrong with me to actively be wishing him well right?
All of this being the bigger person crap has left me a little distraught as I'm sure he's not doing the same for me and I feel like a fool for not being completely over him yet. When these failure thoughts start to take over my mind I try to counteract them by doing some good. A very special friend of mine has a celebration taking place in her family next week so I went out to buy a gift to help her celebrate. I found several options and narrowed it down to two but I just couldn't decide. I came across the sweetest salesperson and some other random lady who why buying gifts for someone and they helped me confirm my first choice was the best. Had I stayed home and stewed in the grief of my deceased relationship I would have missed out on meeting two really nice individuals. Not to mention the fact that I would have missed out on a great sale.
I stopped by the shoe department on my way out to take a look at the sale room and I found the 5 inch colorblock pumps I had been eyeing for the past 6 weeks. They had my size and they were on sale for the exact price that I was willing to pay for them. I slipped those glorious heels on my feet only to find that they were a bit snug. Of course they didn't have a half-size larger because that would have made the day too perfect, but Sean my shoe fairy for the day called around to 5 different stores before he located the size and he is having them shipped directly to my house. I know it's his job to do that but I was so grateful because I really needed a nice pick-me-up today. Oh, and don't worry pictures of the shoes are to come in 7-10 business days.....
The whole idea of even contacting him came from a conversation I had earlier this week. I had the pleasure of having dinner after work with a girl I used to work with at my first job out of college. We were both loan processors for a mortgage company and became fast friends over our general dislike of our jobs. In what turned out to be the biggest blessing of our lives we were both laid off by that company & started working for the same insurance company. Still a thankless job but it paid better than our old jobs. We had kept in touch but hadn't actually seen each other in nearly 4 years until this past Wednesday. She recently became engaged to her boyfriend of 7 years and it's a very exciting time for them both. I remember when we started working together they were only 20 years old and had just bought a house together. They are getting married in Niagara Falls and having a wedding reception in town in the fall. I must say I'm very grateful I don't have to attend their wedding stag. At least with a reception I can sneak in, scarf down a piece of cake, wish them the best, and sneak right back out all in a span of 15 minutes.
She's incredibly happy. She's also trying to get into the HR field and I was so happy to have the opportunity to give her the "Your dreams will eventually come true" pep talk that I had to give myself for the past 8 years until things finally worked out. She asked me about my job and I actually had something to say. Before when people would ask me about my job I had to come up with different ways to make customer service drone sound interesting but now that I've finally landed the job I've always wanted I'm no longer ashamed to talk about what I do. The best part of the night was the fact that I was out of the house for a reason other than work. Sadly that was the first social interaction I've had in the past 4 months since I moved back to town.
It was also fun to find out what had been happening at the company since I left. Hearing gossip about the place you hated working at always makes the beverage your sipping on taste even sweeter. She mentioned some of the things going on and I knew my ex was getting the brunt of some of that so I sent him a text to inquire how things were going at work. I of course already knew the answer but I was looking for an excuse to contact him and I was feeling weak. One of the blogs I follow challenged its readers to spend 30 days wishing happiness to someone who has done you wrong so I've done that for my ex. I'm only 6 days in and its hard to say it out loud but surprisingly each day it gets a little easier. I know he's miserable not because of my absence but because of a series of things from his past that he refuses to let go of. I've actually prayed that he will learn to let it go and let love in. Clearly there is something very wrong with me to actively be wishing him well right?
All of this being the bigger person crap has left me a little distraught as I'm sure he's not doing the same for me and I feel like a fool for not being completely over him yet. When these failure thoughts start to take over my mind I try to counteract them by doing some good. A very special friend of mine has a celebration taking place in her family next week so I went out to buy a gift to help her celebrate. I found several options and narrowed it down to two but I just couldn't decide. I came across the sweetest salesperson and some other random lady who why buying gifts for someone and they helped me confirm my first choice was the best. Had I stayed home and stewed in the grief of my deceased relationship I would have missed out on meeting two really nice individuals. Not to mention the fact that I would have missed out on a great sale.
I stopped by the shoe department on my way out to take a look at the sale room and I found the 5 inch colorblock pumps I had been eyeing for the past 6 weeks. They had my size and they were on sale for the exact price that I was willing to pay for them. I slipped those glorious heels on my feet only to find that they were a bit snug. Of course they didn't have a half-size larger because that would have made the day too perfect, but Sean my shoe fairy for the day called around to 5 different stores before he located the size and he is having them shipped directly to my house. I know it's his job to do that but I was so grateful because I really needed a nice pick-me-up today. Oh, and don't worry pictures of the shoes are to come in 7-10 business days.....
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Valentine's Day......Again
Valentine's Day comes on the same date every year and inevitably I'm never emotionally prepared for it. Last year I spent the day preparing small surprises for a man who didn't care but had the decency to say thank you. I'm not sure that you can truly consider someone your valentine if you are emphatically not theirs. I have since dropped that dead weight but I am facing my 29th Valentine's Day without a true valentine yet again. I guess I cannot say that truthfully because for 29 years my mother has always been my valentine.
Of course when I was little she would help me pick out the coolest valentine's to give to my classmates and she would always get me some candy or other little pink & red gifts to make me feel special. Even in high school she would tuck a little valentine in my coat pocket or book bag just to show she cared. I remember thinking how lame that was because other girls in my class had real valentine's because they had boyfriends who would get them flowers or cheap jewelry and take them out to dinner. Thinking back on it now I didn't even realize how lucky I was. I had someone that loved me and was willing to show it in the simplest way. Isn't that the whole point of the day is to show love? Even to this day she still gets me a little bag filled with strawberry creme hearts because she knows they are my favorite and I always look forward to that. I usually get her a little gift as well because I do love her and because I know my father will forget. He's always dropped the ball in the romance department but that story deserves it's own separate post.
Many people say that Valentine's Day is simply a commercial holiday where "the man" plays on our emotions to get us to buy things especially when many of us are still broke from maxing out our credit cards during Christmas 7 weeks ago. I would agree with that statement we really don't need to spend a lot of money to show love to people who should already know that we love them by showing them love through our actions on a daily basis; however, watching half the women in your office get roses while your desk is left with an empty space stings a little. I don't need a relationship to validate my existence but dang it's nice to have a man buy you stuff!
There is always someone who has it worse than me whether they are in poor physical health or currently unemployed while I am in good health and have a job that I really like. When I start to think poor me I try to think of those people who really have something to complain about. Valentine's Day should be a fun day because it celebrates love and you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to show love. I love seeing all the pink & red flowers, the balloons, & candy that floods the aisles of the stores. Fortunately I have a job so I can afford to indulge in buying myself some of those items and it puts a smile on my face and that's exactly what I did this weekend. I will wear red to work that day because it's festive and I think it's fun. I will also make sure to focus on showing love & kindness to others that day that may have no one else in their lives to do that and I have a feeling I won't be miserable or feel lonely at all.
Of course when I was little she would help me pick out the coolest valentine's to give to my classmates and she would always get me some candy or other little pink & red gifts to make me feel special. Even in high school she would tuck a little valentine in my coat pocket or book bag just to show she cared. I remember thinking how lame that was because other girls in my class had real valentine's because they had boyfriends who would get them flowers or cheap jewelry and take them out to dinner. Thinking back on it now I didn't even realize how lucky I was. I had someone that loved me and was willing to show it in the simplest way. Isn't that the whole point of the day is to show love? Even to this day she still gets me a little bag filled with strawberry creme hearts because she knows they are my favorite and I always look forward to that. I usually get her a little gift as well because I do love her and because I know my father will forget. He's always dropped the ball in the romance department but that story deserves it's own separate post.
Many people say that Valentine's Day is simply a commercial holiday where "the man" plays on our emotions to get us to buy things especially when many of us are still broke from maxing out our credit cards during Christmas 7 weeks ago. I would agree with that statement we really don't need to spend a lot of money to show love to people who should already know that we love them by showing them love through our actions on a daily basis; however, watching half the women in your office get roses while your desk is left with an empty space stings a little. I don't need a relationship to validate my existence but dang it's nice to have a man buy you stuff!
There is always someone who has it worse than me whether they are in poor physical health or currently unemployed while I am in good health and have a job that I really like. When I start to think poor me I try to think of those people who really have something to complain about. Valentine's Day should be a fun day because it celebrates love and you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to show love. I love seeing all the pink & red flowers, the balloons, & candy that floods the aisles of the stores. Fortunately I have a job so I can afford to indulge in buying myself some of those items and it puts a smile on my face and that's exactly what I did this weekend. I will wear red to work that day because it's festive and I think it's fun. I will also make sure to focus on showing love & kindness to others that day that may have no one else in their lives to do that and I have a feeling I won't be miserable or feel lonely at all.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Stephanie the Sale Stalker
As I write this my feet are happily snuggled in a pair of brightly colored 3 1/2 inch pumps freshly delivered to me from Italy. Yes I'm lying in bed wearing a pair of heels. That's how much I love them. I got these lovelies for 30% off. I paid a little more than I wanted to for them but I've been on the wait list for them for the past 3 months. I am one that believes the right outfit can truly change my life so I am always on the lookout for a new piece to add to my collection. My tastes are much more expensive than what I actually make so I have to either spend a great deal of my free time trying find a great sale or go without a decent meal for a few days. I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I have made both sacrifices on numerous occasions all in the name of fashion but the high I get when I can claim whatever it is that I've been pining after is truly sweet.
Much to my chagrin I didn't find that many great deals during the holidays so I brought a few gifts for my family and friends while my list of must have items continued to grow without actually being purchased. Anytime I see something great I take a mental note while I mentally shop my closet. If I can come up with at least 3 outfits to incorporate it with it goes on my list. It can't just be anything. It has to be an item of clothing or accessory unlike something I've ever seen or have in my collection. I go back to the store or go online to get the style number and write down the price it's currently at then decide what price I'm willing to pay for it. I also decide if it's as cute or versatile as I originally thought it was. If I can't get it out of my mind I know it's a must have. Then the stalking begins. Yes, I am a stalker. Not of men of course because they're not worth the trouble. I stalk merchandise mainly because to date I've never had a calf-hair leopard print belt break my heart.
The stalking is rather time consuming. It's easier to stalk things online because I can get access to the Internet all day long either at home, at work, or through my phone. I will check the items every morning while I'm scarfing down my breakfast, during my lunch hour, or at night while I'm watching my shows to make sure I know it's status each day. Stores usually update their sale merchandise on Wednesdays or Thursdays and weekend sales can always pop up so those are the days I usually check it but certain retailers like to do other random sales so I made sure to sign up for their email lists so I can be notified when they have customer appreciation days or whatever.
If it's a store only item I get up ridiculously early on Saturdays to hit the stores right when they open because that is when they have most of their current stock out on the shelves and the salespeople are the friendliest. Friendly salespeople are alot more likely to do special searches for you especially if there's barely anyone else in the store. Always be nice to them because I've learned from experience that if your a pleasure to work with they will keep you in mind when other sales come up. I've had some of them tell me days ahead of time when a big sale was coming. Others will hold items for me until they go on sale and others have even let me use their employee discount. These are just a few of my shopping secrets which aren't really secrets because I know others use them but they have worked well for me.
My vigilance has really paid off for me lately. In the last two weeks I've been able to get 3 items I was dying to have at incredibly great prices. I got two J. Crew dresses one lace LBD (little black dress) that was $188 which I got for $37 and a beautiful floral taffeta A-line dress that was $228 which I snatched up for $50! This particular dress I have been stalking since September so I would have made out with the UPS guy who delivered it had I been home at the time. I saw someone wearing it at fashion week a few months ago so I know it photographs well.
My other find was a pair of knee high suede boots with a stiletto heel. I found these boots at Von Maur a month ago and had dreamed about them every night since that day but at the time they were only on sale for $185 which was too rich for my blood. Although I knew I couldn't afford them it was still incredibly hard for me to walk away from them. I went back to the sale room last Saturday to look for them again only to be greeted by a room full of shoes strewn about all over the floor. It literally looked like a tornado had ripped through the room and there were shoes on top of shoes that had clearly been picked over. I knew a great deal could be found so I rolled up my sleeves and started digging. It didn't help that some snobby woman came in there took one look around and complained about how awful it looked in there and how she would never spend time looking through that mess for some shoes. She spent a good few minutes standing there very loudly exclaiming how beneath her the sale room was but that did not deter me from my search.
I slipped my feet into those beauties and took a lap around the store. They felt equal parts sexy and fierce and I liked the way they looked on me. Both salespeople gushed about how hot they were and although they may have been saying that just to make a sale I had to agree with them. Luckily I had just gotten paid because I knew I couldn't walk away from them a second time. I took them to the counter and my dream $298 boots rang up as $79. I was so happy I wanted to cry.....ok maybe I did actually tear up a little but they were so worth the wait. I truly hope I can say that about a man someday and that man must respect my shoe collection because it was there bringing me joy long before he ever was.
Much to my chagrin I didn't find that many great deals during the holidays so I brought a few gifts for my family and friends while my list of must have items continued to grow without actually being purchased. Anytime I see something great I take a mental note while I mentally shop my closet. If I can come up with at least 3 outfits to incorporate it with it goes on my list. It can't just be anything. It has to be an item of clothing or accessory unlike something I've ever seen or have in my collection. I go back to the store or go online to get the style number and write down the price it's currently at then decide what price I'm willing to pay for it. I also decide if it's as cute or versatile as I originally thought it was. If I can't get it out of my mind I know it's a must have. Then the stalking begins. Yes, I am a stalker. Not of men of course because they're not worth the trouble. I stalk merchandise mainly because to date I've never had a calf-hair leopard print belt break my heart.
The stalking is rather time consuming. It's easier to stalk things online because I can get access to the Internet all day long either at home, at work, or through my phone. I will check the items every morning while I'm scarfing down my breakfast, during my lunch hour, or at night while I'm watching my shows to make sure I know it's status each day. Stores usually update their sale merchandise on Wednesdays or Thursdays and weekend sales can always pop up so those are the days I usually check it but certain retailers like to do other random sales so I made sure to sign up for their email lists so I can be notified when they have customer appreciation days or whatever.
If it's a store only item I get up ridiculously early on Saturdays to hit the stores right when they open because that is when they have most of their current stock out on the shelves and the salespeople are the friendliest. Friendly salespeople are alot more likely to do special searches for you especially if there's barely anyone else in the store. Always be nice to them because I've learned from experience that if your a pleasure to work with they will keep you in mind when other sales come up. I've had some of them tell me days ahead of time when a big sale was coming. Others will hold items for me until they go on sale and others have even let me use their employee discount. These are just a few of my shopping secrets which aren't really secrets because I know others use them but they have worked well for me.
My vigilance has really paid off for me lately. In the last two weeks I've been able to get 3 items I was dying to have at incredibly great prices. I got two J. Crew dresses one lace LBD (little black dress) that was $188 which I got for $37 and a beautiful floral taffeta A-line dress that was $228 which I snatched up for $50! This particular dress I have been stalking since September so I would have made out with the UPS guy who delivered it had I been home at the time. I saw someone wearing it at fashion week a few months ago so I know it photographs well.
My other find was a pair of knee high suede boots with a stiletto heel. I found these boots at Von Maur a month ago and had dreamed about them every night since that day but at the time they were only on sale for $185 which was too rich for my blood. Although I knew I couldn't afford them it was still incredibly hard for me to walk away from them. I went back to the sale room last Saturday to look for them again only to be greeted by a room full of shoes strewn about all over the floor. It literally looked like a tornado had ripped through the room and there were shoes on top of shoes that had clearly been picked over. I knew a great deal could be found so I rolled up my sleeves and started digging. It didn't help that some snobby woman came in there took one look around and complained about how awful it looked in there and how she would never spend time looking through that mess for some shoes. She spent a good few minutes standing there very loudly exclaiming how beneath her the sale room was but that did not deter me from my search.
I slipped my feet into those beauties and took a lap around the store. They felt equal parts sexy and fierce and I liked the way they looked on me. Both salespeople gushed about how hot they were and although they may have been saying that just to make a sale I had to agree with them. Luckily I had just gotten paid because I knew I couldn't walk away from them a second time. I took them to the counter and my dream $298 boots rang up as $79. I was so happy I wanted to cry.....ok maybe I did actually tear up a little but they were so worth the wait. I truly hope I can say that about a man someday and that man must respect my shoe collection because it was there bringing me joy long before he ever was.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
New year, New me
So I started off this year intending to live my life differently. Actually my quote for the year is "This year instead of concerning myself with meeting the man of my dreams I'm going to focus on becoming the person of my dreams and I expect the results to be fabulous!". Well we're 5 days into 2012 and I've already failed myself.
Today one of my co-workers shared with us that she is pregnant with twins. She is such a fun person and one of the nicest people I've ever met. I am so happy for her and her husband and excited to hear about her journey through this process but inevitably my next thought was "What the crap am I doing with my life?" She is 26 years old, married, has a great job, just received HR certification (which is a difficult test to pass) and she is a home owner so now she will add mother to fraternal twins to her list of accomplishments. What have I done in comparison? Nothing.
This year the biggest thing I will do is turn 30. It was a big deal to me but now that I think about it, what is so great about it? All you have to do is manage to stay alive on this earth for 30 years and as convenient everything is which allows us to be incredibly lazy, staying alive really isn't that difficult. Ok, ok I know I am being pretty hard on myself but I promised myself 5 days ago that I would not allow these type of thoughts to float around my head but here they are screaming loser.
Shouldn't I have done all of those things she has done by now? I suppose the correct answer to that question is no because if I should have done those things, I believe I would have. God or the universe or whatever it is that you believe would have set up circumstances in a way that would have allowed marriage and baby carriage to enter my twenties but it didn't. I should also correct myself by saying that the only thing I know for sure this year is that I will turn 30 if I can manage to stay alive, everything else is still a mystery as I will never know what tomorrow holds. That is equally exciting as it is scary.
I do hope to celebrate my birthday in Las Vegas staying at a fabulous hotel and spending way too much money on food, drinks, and sunglasses but I think it would be fun and I should be trying things that can bring me happiness and help me grow as a person. I plan on volunteering my time with a cause probably senior citizens because they are an often neglected community but have so much wisdom to share to this generation. I have also been invited to be part of a group a single women that get together monthly for devotions and "fun". I have avoided this group like the plague for the past 3 years because I didn't want to be seen as part of the single and desperate group. I mean if we hangout in a group like that don't we just look like a pathetic bunch? I am so worried that people will start believing there's a reason that I'm single and pity me. I also promised myself not to be worried about what people think anymore but I guess that will just come with time. I am going to put aside all of my assumptions and try it out. You never know I may actually have fun and dare I say make friends.
Today one of my co-workers shared with us that she is pregnant with twins. She is such a fun person and one of the nicest people I've ever met. I am so happy for her and her husband and excited to hear about her journey through this process but inevitably my next thought was "What the crap am I doing with my life?" She is 26 years old, married, has a great job, just received HR certification (which is a difficult test to pass) and she is a home owner so now she will add mother to fraternal twins to her list of accomplishments. What have I done in comparison? Nothing.
This year the biggest thing I will do is turn 30. It was a big deal to me but now that I think about it, what is so great about it? All you have to do is manage to stay alive on this earth for 30 years and as convenient everything is which allows us to be incredibly lazy, staying alive really isn't that difficult. Ok, ok I know I am being pretty hard on myself but I promised myself 5 days ago that I would not allow these type of thoughts to float around my head but here they are screaming loser.
Shouldn't I have done all of those things she has done by now? I suppose the correct answer to that question is no because if I should have done those things, I believe I would have. God or the universe or whatever it is that you believe would have set up circumstances in a way that would have allowed marriage and baby carriage to enter my twenties but it didn't. I should also correct myself by saying that the only thing I know for sure this year is that I will turn 30 if I can manage to stay alive, everything else is still a mystery as I will never know what tomorrow holds. That is equally exciting as it is scary.
I do hope to celebrate my birthday in Las Vegas staying at a fabulous hotel and spending way too much money on food, drinks, and sunglasses but I think it would be fun and I should be trying things that can bring me happiness and help me grow as a person. I plan on volunteering my time with a cause probably senior citizens because they are an often neglected community but have so much wisdom to share to this generation. I have also been invited to be part of a group a single women that get together monthly for devotions and "fun". I have avoided this group like the plague for the past 3 years because I didn't want to be seen as part of the single and desperate group. I mean if we hangout in a group like that don't we just look like a pathetic bunch? I am so worried that people will start believing there's a reason that I'm single and pity me. I also promised myself not to be worried about what people think anymore but I guess that will just come with time. I am going to put aside all of my assumptions and try it out. You never know I may actually have fun and dare I say make friends.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)