So I started off this year intending to live my life differently. Actually my quote for the year is "This year instead of concerning myself with meeting the man of my dreams I'm going to focus on becoming the person of my dreams and I expect the results to be fabulous!". Well we're 5 days into 2012 and I've already failed myself.
Today one of my co-workers shared with us that she is pregnant with twins. She is such a fun person and one of the nicest people I've ever met. I am so happy for her and her husband and excited to hear about her journey through this process but inevitably my next thought was "What the crap am I doing with my life?" She is 26 years old, married, has a great job, just received HR certification (which is a difficult test to pass) and she is a home owner so now she will add mother to fraternal twins to her list of accomplishments. What have I done in comparison? Nothing.
This year the biggest thing I will do is turn 30. It was a big deal to me but now that I think about it, what is so great about it? All you have to do is manage to stay alive on this earth for 30 years and as convenient everything is which allows us to be incredibly lazy, staying alive really isn't that difficult. Ok, ok I know I am being pretty hard on myself but I promised myself 5 days ago that I would not allow these type of thoughts to float around my head but here they are screaming loser.
Shouldn't I have done all of those things she has done by now? I suppose the correct answer to that question is no because if I should have done those things, I believe I would have. God or the universe or whatever it is that you believe would have set up circumstances in a way that would have allowed marriage and baby carriage to enter my twenties but it didn't. I should also correct myself by saying that the only thing I know for sure this year is that I will turn 30 if I can manage to stay alive, everything else is still a mystery as I will never know what tomorrow holds. That is equally exciting as it is scary.
I do hope to celebrate my birthday in Las Vegas staying at a fabulous hotel and spending way too much money on food, drinks, and sunglasses but I think it would be fun and I should be trying things that can bring me happiness and help me grow as a person. I plan on volunteering my time with a cause probably senior citizens because they are an often neglected community but have so much wisdom to share to this generation. I have also been invited to be part of a group a single women that get together monthly for devotions and "fun". I have avoided this group like the plague for the past 3 years because I didn't want to be seen as part of the single and desperate group. I mean if we hangout in a group like that don't we just look like a pathetic bunch? I am so worried that people will start believing there's a reason that I'm single and pity me. I also promised myself not to be worried about what people think anymore but I guess that will just come with time. I am going to put aside all of my assumptions and try it out. You never know I may actually have fun and dare I say make friends.
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