X-Birthday

I hit a big milestone last week in my journey to move past the breakup with my ex. This past Thursday was his birthday and I didn't contact him via phone or any other social media. I know that doesn't sound like much but it was a big step for me. Keep in mind that he dumped me 3 years ago and up to this point I still contacted him every year on his birthday because I thought it was a nice thing to do. Last year I even brought him a gift and had a friend of mine that still works with him hand deliver it impeccably gift wrapped to him. It was a lifestyle book written by a contributor to GQ magazine and it gave tips on how to be and dress like a gentleman in the modern world. He texted me a thank you (how chivalrous) and asked if it was a subtle dig. It was but I also felt it was an extension of my amazing fashion sense. I know I'm an idiot for doing that but don't worry I still loathe myself for it.

During the 2 years we were together he was the luckiest bastard alive when it came to receiving gifts. We had only been dating one month when we first celebrated his birthday so we went to dinner at Cheddar's and he paid. I did get him a card but didn't feel obligated to get him anything else. Looking back I wish I would have continued to feel that way cause it would have saved me a lot of money. When he came back to my place later that night we shared our first kiss so in hindsight that was actually the best gift of all. The next year I got him a brand new Coach wallet as if a man needs a designer piece of leather to keep his money safe and warm in his back pocket. We women of course need designer handbags because they are an extension of our outfits and always serve as a conversation starter if it's a stunner. Totally different. I believe I also got him some cologne because he is obsessed with smelling good so I always made sure to get him a new one on birthdays and holidays. He loves getting the newest scent from whatever major fashion house is releasing one at the time which was always surprising to me because he is the cheapest man I've ever met.

I always love to give the perfect gift so buying nice gifts wasn't just about him. I get such a strong sense satisfaction from seeing a loved one receive a gift from me and get excited just from seeing the packaging. When they open the gift and grin from ear to ear because I got something that shows how well I know them it's like my very existence is validated. The best of course is bringing an ostentatious baby gift to a shower and having everyone gasp when the mother-to-be opens it. I feel like saying "Your welcome" to everyone for creating such a special yet unnecessary moment at a party celebrating a fetus. I mean what infant really needs to wear Ralph Lauren? Mine of course but since my uterus is not familiar with pregnancy I gift the luxury to other mothers who are brave enough to give birth and take on the responsibility of raising a human.

I never had an actual boyfriend before my relationship with the ex so being able to get a gift for "my man" was very exciting to me. I would always hear about these surprise parties and special plans that my friends would make for the men in their lives and I would take copious mental notes already preparing myself for the day I would meet a great guy worthy of doing that for. I wanted to believe that I had met that guy so I went out of my way to plan little surprise birthday parties at work for him that included me driving an hour and a half just to get the best cookie cake in the area and having it decorated in the colors of his favorite sports team, taking him to the city and indulging him in a mini shopping spree at an upscale mall, paying for dinner at his favorite restaurants, unfortunately the list goes on and on and it makes me very sad. I imagine he probably did stay with me a few months longer than he had intended just to get some more nice things and to make things worse at the time I was ok with that because I thought it would lead to something more but I'm putting that in the past and now we are moving upward and onward or something like that. Today I was told by a 27 year old douche bag that at 31 years old I am already past my prime and as I get older I fear that the odds of me meeting a great guy worthy of all this work declines everyday as does the collagen in my face. Now that I think about it, I should just date myself because at least I know I will be well taken care of.

This week's obsession is this beautiful Cameron Dress in Stripe Silk Organza from where else but my beloved J. Crew. After searching high and low for the perfect dress to wear on Easter I decided on buying this dress to wear on Easter Sunday. It came in the mail last week and it is quite stunning in person. These days people dress pretty casually to church so I will likely stand out in this piece but I think it will be for all the right reasons. Now I am on the hunt for some cute heels to go with it which surprisingly has been harder than I thought. The stores haven't released their best sandals yet even though it's Spring Break season so hopefully they will be unveiling some new stuff in the next week or two. I normally go for a cute wedge because those allow for comfortable wear all day but this dress calls for a slimmer heel that will probably kill my feet after 2 hours of wear but I will cry tears of joy if they look fierce.