The Group Hang

When a friend asks to set you up with someone it means one of two things, either she knows a guy that she truly believes would be a good match for you based on knowing your personalities and common interests or she feels sorry for one of you and thinks that being together is better than being alone regardless of the train wreck that would later ensue. Based on previous experience I should always assume the latter. The day after I attended the barbecue of the year I sent a quick text to Darci the hostess thanking her for a great time and to let her know that I thought The Accountant was cute. She squealed in excitement because Kimber had told her that he said he was interested in me too. Her matchmaking skills seemed to have worked. I must admit that I got a little excited myself. I've always wanted to have a summer romance and maybe this was finally my chance to experience that. She said that she and Kimber would set up a group hang later that week so that The Accountant and I could meet again. To my surprise they came through and set up plans for dinner and bowling with The Accountant and their spouses on Thursday after work. I of course spent the next 4 days trying to plan what to wear and on the day of the group hang totally changed my mind at the last minute. I went with a pink gingham button up shirt and rolled up the sleeves then paired it with a pair of baby blue Bermuda shorts and taupe colored ballet flats. I thought it was a cute yet sensible outfit.

I purposely showed up to the bowling alley 5 minutes late hoping to make an entrance but I arrived only to find that everyone else was running a few minutes late. As I stood there completely out of my element amongst beer bellies and smokers I saw Darci, her hubby Les, and the Accountant come rushing in apologizing for being late. Apparently Les had made a series of fashion faux pas while getting ready to come so she had to put him in some decent clothing last minute and the Accountant simply got lost. Can I just refer to him as TA from now on? Good cause I was going to anyways. TA came up to me to say hello and I greeted him with a friendly hello and turned around to get my bowling shoes. I was later told that he tried to give me a hug along with his hello but I completely missed that and was afraid I offended him. Crap. This evening was not starting off as planned. Kimber and her hubby Spoons showed up a few minutes later and we got two lanes to play boys against girls. We were put in order of couples so TA and I bowled at the same time and it was so awkward. The other two couples are both young marrieds who are still very much in the honeymoon phase so they would kiss and cuddle eachother between frames while TA and I would give eachother uncomfortable glances. I tried to have some casual conversation with him but I could tell that he was pretty uncomfortable talking to me around them since they were kind of making fun of him. He caught me by myself when I went to pay my share of the second round of games and asked if he could buy me a drink. I was pleasantly surprised but declined his offer since I knew we were going to the restaurant later and I didn't want him to have to pay for a beverage that I probably wouldn't have finished. He didn't say much to me in between frames but he beat me by at least 30 points in both games that we played. I'd like to note that I actually broke 100 in the second game which is amazing since I'm a terrible bowler.

We took our awkward party down the street to Buffalo Wild Wings because they were having a $.60 wing special that night and you can't beat that deal. We sat out on the patio at my blessing because I deemed the weather not too hot to sit outside. I refuse to stay outside in the heat if I'm just going to sit there and sweat especially if I'm trying to attract someone. The waitress came around to take our drink orders and asked if TA and I were going to be on the same ticket. I wanted to make a cute joke about how cool it was that she thought we were a couple but he looked a little shy about it so I just told her we were on separate tickets. I thought I would get a chance to talk to him over dinner but he sat right next to me the entire night and barely said a word to me but he did participate in the group conversations somewhat. We were the only two at the table to request blue cheese dipping sauce for our wings which I thought that was a sign of compatibility but I guess it was not. I spent most of the night talking to Darci who took pity on me since TA was kind of ignoring me. At one point she made a joke about TA and I hooking up later that night which I nervously laughed at and told her it was a horrible thing to say because he probably didn't like that but I looked over at him and he didn't seem opposed to it. That was the funny thing, he actually seemed like a cool guy when he wasn't preoccupied with what they were saying. Occasionally he had some pretty funny comebacks at them when they would make a joke about him. At the barbecue I found that he stays up to date with top 40 music and knows who all the current pop starlets are and even humored me by watching a YouTube video on Darci's phone of Miley twerking in a bear costume. I realize that since he's a guy and she was popping her booty he didn't mind watching it but I thought it was funny nonetheless.

10:30pm rolled around and we all had to work in the morning so we ended the night with hugs all around because after all they are huggers. I went to hug TA goodbye and he apologized for not talking and said that he was embarrassed to talk to me since they were giving him such a hard time. I told him it was ok and that he was a good sport for agreeing to hangout like this in such an awkward situation. I said goodbye to everyone else and started to walk towards my car at the same time that TA was leaving. Great, this was going to be awkward right down to the very last second. At least I had a fun night but at the same time I had a pretty good feeling that I would never see him again. He caught up with me and apologized again for all the awkwardness. He seemed to be kinda pissed at the group for teasing him and that it messed up his chance to get to know me. He even pointed out the fact that they were watching us from across the parking lot. He asked if he could have my number and said that he would text me. I couldn't believe it. A minute ago I thought this had ended in disaster and now he wants my number? We exchanged numbers and continued walking. I tried to make small talk to fill the silence as we reached our cars and felt like I was getting a good vibe from him. He was smiling and seemed to be engaged in our conversation. I didn't want to keep him if he was feeling uncomfortable so I told him I would stop badgering him to which he smiled and replied "No, please keep badgering me!" I giggled and said that I would talk to him soon and drove home. I felt like a giddy school girl for the rest of the night and could barely sleep. I gave a cute guy my number and he said he would text me. Things were looking up!

Over two weeks passed and TA never contacted me. I'm talking not a text, phone call, or even a smoke signal. Every guy advice book I've ever read or dating guru I've ever heard on the radio always says that a guy will contact you pretty soon after meeting you if he's interested. I believe within 3 days is the agreed upon waiting period but it had been way longer than that. Darci asked me if he ever texted me and was shocked to find that he never did. "That's like a slap in the face!" she said and I hadn't thought of it that way because I was still foolishly hopeful that he would contact me but she was right. She said that she would text Kimber to find out what was going on but I couldn't wait because I wanted to know what happened to change his mind about me. Did my hair fall flat? Did my deodorant stop working? Was my fashion sense too out there for him? (That last one can't be true because I wore very basic colors both times I met him in an effort not to scare him away) I felt I needed to seize the opportunity and YOLO (You Only Live Once) this situation and let him know that I was interested in case he thought that I wasn't. I mean he gave me his number too so the phone works both ways right? I spent about an hour thinking of what to say that would be equal parts casual and flirty so I came up with "Hey this is Darci's friend Stephanie and I just wanted to say that it was nice meeting you and and I wish I would have gotten the chance to talk to you more because you seem like a really nice guy!" I was pleased with my message and hit send. A few hours later he responded "It was nice meeting you too. Sorry I never contacted you but I've been busy trying to figure things out at work." Did you hear the slap across my face? If not perhaps you felt the ricochet of it as you read this. This is almost identical to the text that I received from my ex that preceded a month of not speaking to me followed by a breakup via email. I'm not naive in the dating game so I know when I'm getting the brush off and that response was He's Just Not That Into You 101. I haven't heard from him since.

I don't usually get rejected before I'm even asked on a 1st date but at least now I have something new to focus on when I'm feeling masochistic. What I don't understand is why he even asked for my number in the first place. He could have walked away and never saw or spoke to me ever again and I would have been fine with that but he actually approached me and asked for it. Oh well, no summer fling this year. I guess it's just another lesson learned in the black hole of single life. Lesson #87: If a guy asks you for your number don't assume that he'll actually use it. I suppose if I didn't continue to put myself out there in these awkward situations I would have nothing to blog about and I don't want to deny anyone the humor that they find in my misery. So here's hoping that over Labor Day weekend Darci sets me up with a guy that asks me to pay for his meal on the first date.

Let me state for the record that this is the very reason I don't ever talk to anyone about my dating/love life. Most of my married friends have been with their spouses since college days and got married shortly after graduation so they've never experienced years of dating rejection. They have no idea how embarrassing it is for me to listen to a story about how their husbands of 8 years surprised them with an overnight trip to the city for their anniversaries and then ask me to share tales of my exciting single life when the only story I have to share is that the night before I went out on a date with a balding 20 something who told me that I had giant teeth. They say married life is boring but a little stability and commitment sounds like fun to me. Going forward I'm not going to tell anyone in real life who I'm dating or am interested in until I'm engaged. Wait, I take that back because there's still a chance I'll get stood up at the alter and have to eat an entire wedding cake by myself (which actually sounds like a wonderful dream). I won't say anything to anyone until I'm married then I'll tweet about it and ask for privacy like the celebrities do.

This week's obsession is a fabulous short and tee combo from Missoni. The top is a mesh crewneck tee with cap sleeves and tweed shorts with a leather trim. These two pieces alone will set you back $800 before tax but they are made in Italy! I know that doesn't mean that it should cost that much but I'm guessing that is how they justify pricing it that high. What I wouldn't give to have my legs look like that in a pair of heels and expensive shorts. I am already on the lookout for the perfect outfit to wear to the Fashion's Night Out activities this year. It is normally the 1st Thursday in September but the temperature also tends to still be in the 80's then so I try to put together a look that allows for a breeze. This outfit would be a great contender if it happens to go on sale for about 70% off.

The Breakfast Club

There are stunningly beautiful women all over the world but finding a stunningly beautiful Christian woman is like finding a unicorn. When you're beautiful you don't have to rely on much more than your looks in most situations but these women choose to follow Jesus making them shine even brighter. These rare finds commit themselves to the Lord until they find the mate they believe that God has created just for them then they get married, build a picket fence, have beautiful children, and put all of us average looking people to shame when it comes to do-gooding cause lets face it if you were homeless wouldn't you much rather see Adriana Lima serving you food at a soup kitchen? Men become easily enamored with their looks followed by their kind giving spirits and completely loose their minds. I would sell my first born to be one of these women. We have one of these unicorn women at my church and I have been obsessed with her for the past 8 years. Well obsessed sounds a little strong.

She's stunningly beautiful, has always been in amazing physical shape, has a smile so sincere it could literally kill evil with one glance, and was by far the most eligible bachelorette in our congregation if not the entire town until the only attractive bachelor we had finally iced her right up into wedded bliss. She appears to have the perfect life and I haven't heard any gossip to dispute this so naturally I would give anything to be her. Ok obsessed is a fairly accurate description. Anyway, since she was a unicorn being so uncharacteristically magical in our sleepy town, I never got up the nerve to actually speak to her until our paths crossed about 8 months ago during the holidays. I volunteered to help a friend make Christmas decorations for the sanctuary and the unicorn was actually her neighbor and they were friends so she had also volunteered to help. We were paired together to construct several giant trees mirrored after the ones in Whoville. She introduced herself to me and readily accepted me mainly because we had friends in common which made me feel super cool like Lisa Turtle. It was a Saturday morning and she was wearing no makeup, a sweatshirt, yoga pants, and looking like the Victoria Secret models do in those backstage promos they shoot to show us that they don't always look glamorous but it only proves that they still look better than everyone else. She was so sweet and friendly I just wanted to hug her and she even shared a video of her 2 genetically perfect children that I did not ask to see (cause who really wants to watch a video of children that aren't your own) but I didn't mind it because she in all her beauty wanted me to see it. I had become one of those enamored men.

A few months after that chance meeting she sent me a friend request on Facebook which I eagerly accepted. About a month after that she sent me a message out of the blue complimenting me on my style and asking me where I buy my clothes. Saying this to me will always work in your favor. I was so excited I think I may have done a cartwheel. She likes me! She really really likes me! We chatted back and forth about a variety of things but she started focusing the conversation on fitness. I quickly found that she was a health and fitness nut. She began to ask me about my fitness regimen and diet and whether or not I wanted to make a change. I'll never be satisfied with my body until my thighs no longer rub together when I walk so yes I'm always open to new fitness and diet ideas. Then I discovered the true reason for our fast friendship. She informed me that she was a Shakeology representative and wanted me to join her next fitness challenge class of chubbies. What the hell is Shakeology? My thoughts exactly. Shakeology is a fancy version of Slim-Fast. You replace 2 meals a day with the shake and then eat a sensible lunch or dinner. The premise is the same as Slim-Fast however while you can buy a pack of Slim-Fast at a Walmart down the street, you have to order Shakeology which costs you $130 for a 30 day supply not including shipping. I imagine the cost evens itself out over time but it hurts to pay all at once up front especially when Banana Republic is having a sale and you're in the mood to buy something nautical.

At first I was a little offended that the unicorn asked me to join because I naturally thought she considered me fat since she thought I would benefit from taking her fitness challenge. More importantly I was sad that we weren't actually friends but I was instead another one of her projects. A chubby girl with body insecurities who could use a confidence boost from kickboxing. She was a little late to that game though because Jillian Michaels has already filled that void in my life and I only have to pay her $10 per DVD through Amazon. I still wanted her to like me so I agreed to join her fitness challenge group. She called it The Breakfast Club and it was a 30 day challenge where she required all participants to post before and after pictures of themselves (torture), buy at least one 30 day supply of Shakeology, substitute 2 meals a day with the shake, and post a picture of the 3rd healthy meal that you had for the day. I put in my order for the tropical flavor of the shake and logged in to the private group site that she had set up on Facebook. There were only 4 other participants and as I was reading a little more about each of my fellow chubbies I found that most of them were trying to lose those last stubborn pounds of baby weight they had put on during their last pregnancies. What was most interesting is that I recognized one of those baby weighters to be my ex's ex-wife. God has an amazing sense of humor doesn't he?

I knew it was the ex-wife because about 3 years ago I spent one lonely Saturday night Facebook stalking the woman trying to discover why my ex was committed enough to marry her and have children with her but he wouldn't even publicly acknowledge me as his girlfriend. The thing was she was an average looking girl much like myself. She looked like the nice girl next door who got caught up with the wrong guy and was now starting over. Seeing as how he made sure she never knew I existed, I knew I could participate without any weirdness cause she didn't know who I was. She was super nice and I think we could have easily become great friends if the situation were different. She has since found love with a car salesman, had another baby, and was now ready to get back to her pre-baby weight. Every day I would log in to the group page and read about the elaborate healthy meals that the other women would make for themselves and their families. Well they weren't elaborate as much as they required use of a stove and pan which is more than I'm capable of operating. I mainly stuck to frozen bags of vegetables that I could steam in the microwave, lean cuisines, and cottage cheese. Fortunately we had a group of very honest women and most of the days they were admitting to cheating and having pizza or other delicious foods that the unicorn had sworn off. I always have my cheat days pre-planned which she also told me was a big no-no. She was very encouraging but she did not play around when it came to healthy eating.

At the end of the challenge I found that I was eating smaller portions which is great but doing the shakes was not for me. I actually ended up returning the Shakeology and got a full refund no questions asked. The unicorn found out about it (I didn't know customer service would tattle on me otherwise I would have kept it) and said she understood although I could tell she was pretty disappointed in me. I like to eat actual food and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I didn't really need to loose weight but she did share some articles that caused me to be more mindful about not eating so much processed food so I have incorporated more fresh fruits and vegetables to my daily meals. From what I can tell the others lost little to no weight but they didn't gain and it was only a 30 day challenge so I'm sure they will see greater results in the months to come. The best thing to come out of this was the abandonment of my obsession with the unicorn. I finally realized that she looked so amazing because she only took in around 600 calories a day while running around with her children and praying to the big guy upstairs. She is still a super nice person but she is completely unattainable and I've made peace with that. Besides, after she posted how guilty she felt for eating a piece of toast, a boiled egg, some air popped popcorn, and an apple slice with peanut butter on it for her cheat day I knew we could never be friends. Maybe being an average human being with a sweet potato fry addiction and cellulite isn't the worst thing in the world.

This week's obsession is this breathtaking Illusion Top dress with lace embroidery brought to us by the legendary Oscar de la Renta who also happens to be celebrating his 81st birthday today. He is one that certainly proves age ain't nothin' but a number as he shows that he still has an eye for some insanely gorgeous pieces. For a mere $8890 you could own this dress and have to where it to every wedding and party for the rest of your natural life in order to justify the cost. This is the ultimate party girl dress and somewhere I'm sure there's a spoiled 16 year old society girl who just purchased this dress in anticipation of fall's first premiere event where she'll wear it for about an hour before she gets drops of puke on it after throwing up the bottle of vodka she stole from her mother's wet bar. Clearly I've watched to many episodes of Gossip Girl may it rest in peace.

Barbecue of the Year

The 4th of July is best known for freedom, fireworks, pool parties, barbecues, and a paid day off (for those of us not working in retail or the hospitals). For the past few years I have spent the day in bed because I usually had to work the next day and because my family is lame and hasn't done anything for the holiday since I was in college. This year I was fortunate enough to be invited to the party of the year. Darci is the most popular girl in our office and probably the most popular girl in town. I had worked in my current job for over a year before I really got to know her. She accepted another position in our office that required us to work together occasionally and the more I got to know her the more I could tell why everyone loved her. She's very outspoken but has the most hilarious delivery and she is easily one of the nicest people I've ever met. I began to notice her facial expressions in reactions to other's discussions during our weekly team meetings and once I discovered that we both found the same people to be outstandingly ridiculous I knew we were meant to be friends.

A few months ago she sent me a random Facebook message on St. Patrick's Day saying she knew a nice single guy that was looking to date and wanted to know if I was interested. At first I thought she had been out drinking and this was some kind of stupid joke but when I asked her about it at work the following day she was totally serious. All she told me was that he was her husband's college friend, that he was an Accountant who was working on his Master's degree while studying for the CPA exam, and that he was very tall. Tall and nerdy is right up my alley so I wanted to know more. She had shown him a picture of me and I'm told he said I was cute and I saw a blurry picture of him and said he could be cute if I could actually see him. I was very nervous to accept this offer because I have been out of the dating game for over 2 years now so I don't even know how to date anymore but I haven't had any males looking my way in a very long time and didn't know if or when this type of opportunity would come up again so I thought hey why not. We set up a day to go bowling after work a few weeks later with another couple who Darci also knew from college. Apparently he is always the 5th wheel when they go out so I was invited to even out the couples or something like that. Unfortunately we had to cancel the bowling night due to conflicting work schedules among the group so I never heard much about him after that until July rolled around.

Darci and I have inadvertently started a weekly ritual where I go into her office and we spend about 20 minutes discussing all the things that irritate us about our jobs and the people we work with. During one of our latest venting sessions she casually mentioned that she and her husband were hosting a barbecue at their house over the holiday weekend and that they were inviting family and friends most notably the Accountant friend that I never had the chance to meet. She followed up by sending out an invite through Facebook so I knew it was official. The details stated that the party would start at 6pm and would end at ??? Everyone was asked to bring a side or dessert to share as well as their drink of choice. I saw that at least 30 people were being invited but none of them were the Accountant meaning that I wouldn't have the luxury of Facebook stalking him prior to meeting him. Fair enough. I anxiously RSVP'd to the event of the summer because I didn't know what food to bring since I don't cook and I of course had no idea what to wear. Mind you this was about 3 weeks before the party but I like to plan ahead.

The big day came and the weather was beautiful so I had a good feeling about things. At the very last minute I found a very simple recipe for mini fruit pizzas so I went to the store to get the ingredients and took a catnap before making them. I decided that I would leave my house at 6pm since Darci's place is only 5 minutes away. I of course was still frosting cookies at 6pm and hadn't decided what to do with my hair so I didn't leave until closer to 6:30pm but at least now I could make an entrance. I decided to wear this super cute navy and white striped silk romper that I got at J.Crew Factory a few years ago and my gold jeweled Gianni Bini sandals. I put the top part of my hair up in a little ponytail to keep some of the hair out of my face so I wouldn't sweat as much and sprayed so much body splash on I was just asking mosquitoes to come and bite me. I arrived at the party and saw about 35 people in the backyard eating, mingling, and grooving to Top 40 hits but I didn't recognize a single person there until her cousin Amanda who I had gone to high school with spotted me from across the yard. I felt immediately at ease when she came over to talk to me and then Darci appeared with a pan full of meat and offered to show me around the house. Everyone there was young and attractive just like all the parties they had on The Hills. I wasn't even sure if I belonged there but I earned an invite so I was staying. She introduced me to her husband who instead of accepting my handshake embraced me in a bear hug informing me that they were hugging people. Ironically I am not. After I got the tour of the house she brought me back out to meet Kimber & Richard (who they have affectionately nicknamed Spoons) the other couple that we had planned to go bowling with and then turned me around to meet The Accountant.

There he was a tall drink of water standing at 6'7" wearing a green t-shirt, glasses, and buzzed red hair. Prior to this introduction I had only seen a very blurry picture of him so I was pleased at the tall cutie standing in front of me. We shook hands and then I bolted for the food table because I was starving. There was so much food you would have thought the entire city was invited but I limited myself to a hot dog and a couple of chips because you can't pig out in front of a guy you just met right? I had some light conversation with Kimber & Spoons while I was eating and then she suggested we get the party started by being the first to play a game so the 4 of us went out in the yard to play bags and we decided to play girls against boys. I think technically the boys won but I had a pretty good arm on me so I got in a few good attempts. Everyone at the party was watching us play and it was kind of cool to be the center of attention for a change. I suspect they even thought we were a couple (gasp). I was having fun so my nerves somewhat subsided but I was also starting to sweat and someone had just come in with shrimp so we stopped playing to get some more food. The Accountant brought me a drink (because Kimber told him to) and we continued to have a conversation on the deck. He was pretty quiet most of the time so I didn't really learn much about him that I didn't already know but he did tell me that he was shy and feeling a little awkward about the situation which I could totally relate to. I had to leave around 9pm because I had plans to go to the movies that night but I felt like it was the perfect opportunity to keep him wanting more....at least that's what they say in Cosmo.

I grabbed my purse and said goodbye to everyone and we all made tentative plans to hangout on Thursday after work. I went to shake The Accountant's hand goodbye but he went in for a hug instead because remember they are hugging people. I was pleasantly surprised by this action on his part but a little freaked out because I smelled like outside and my hair had frizzed up from the sweat so I don't know how pleasant it was for him. He is so tall that I basically hugged his stomach because I couldn't reach around his arms but it felt nice just the same. I bounced out of the party hoping and praying that a group hang was in the works because I am very interested in meeting him again. I was told afterwards that the last party guests didn't leave until 2am and most of the food went to waste but a fun time was had by all. Of course the only thing I was concerned about what whether or not The Accountant liked me. Apparently he hadn't said anything about meeting me but I'm also told that he is a man of few words when it comes to this sort of thing because they embarrassed him but he did agree to participate in the group hang so I guess I didn't scare him off completely. I'm of course now already nervous and attempting to plan what one wears when trying to attract someone while wearing hideous bowling shoes. That is a feat even this fashionista may not be able to master.

This week's obsession is not a clothing item but I'm just as head over heels for it. Chanel makes dumbbells! Of course Rachel Zoe was the one to inform me of this completely unnecessary accessory but this takes chic to a whole new level....the gym. Can you imagine actually seeing someone lifting a 2lb weight covered in quilted calfskin and take them seriously? These are actually so expensive they won't even post the price so you must call one of their boutiques directly to inquire about purchasing them. I love incorporating fashion into every aspect of my life but I don't think I can get on board with designer sport accessories. I mean don't get me wrong I make a point to look as adorable as one possibly can while sweating profusely during workout but I can't justify getting sweat on these beauties. I'm sure I will only see the likes of Jennifer Lopez using these but it's fun to know they actually exist.

The Package Tour

Last night The Sleeve and I went to a concert together. Yes this actually happened. In my defense I must explain that we made plans to go to this event over 6 months ago and at the time she was only mildly annoying but has since progressed to a level of annoyance normally reserved for teenage couples who suck face in public. The Sleeve and I only have two things in common. We are both single and we both grew up loving boy bands. Since she is now dating (as she reminds me everyday) we now only have the love of bubblegum pop music in common. She found out that the New Kids on The Block were going on tour after a long hiatus and asked if I was interested in going. The answer was simple because I never had the chance to see them in concert 25 years ago and Boys II Men and 98 degrees would be joining them so I couldn't miss this opportunity. What I didn't realize at the time was that committing to this would mean we would have to spend an uninterrupted 10 hours together but I knew it would give me enough material for a blog post.

We started out our adventure at 3:30pm since it was a nearly 2 hour trip to the concert venue. I took a nap earlier in the day to ensure I wouldn't be crabby because I expected to encounter hours of mindless chatter. The conversation on the way there went surprisingly well. I thought I would have to endure story after story about her troll of a boyfriend but she actually focused most of her time talking about her twin sister and there's always mildly interesting drama there since she hates her husband. We had planned to get a good parking space by getting there early and then walking down the street to eat at a fabulous restaurant like chic city girls while we waited for the doors to open. Things of course did not go as planned.

We got there early and did get a great parking spot but the chic dinner we had planned didn't happen. We read online that there was a plethora of eating places just a few blocks from the venue so we walked down there in the rain only to find that everything had either closed early because it was Sunday or had closed months ago and never reopened. Our last option was the Hard Rock Cafe which is known for having terrible food but at least it has a fun atmosphere. We walked over there only to find that they had a 2 hour wait and that would make us late for the show so that was also a no go. We walked back to the venue hungry and decided to just nibble on something at the concession stand when the doors opened which of course was still an hour away so we stood outside in the humid air huddled close to the door to shield us from the rain. I had to endure a play-by-play of every text that her man was sending her and the only thing that got me through the longest 60 minutes of my life was the opportunity to people watch.

Going into this I wasn't sure about the type of people I would see there because the original New Kids fans would be in their 40's now with a few outliers like myself who were probably too young to be listening to them who were just now reaching 30. They have come out with a few new albums over the past few years and with the addition of Boyz II Men and 98 degrees, I imagined that there would be people of all ages here. From simple observation I can say that I found the average New Kids fan to be middle aged, overweight, and a lover of crocs. I normally don't really notice other people's fashion sense unless it's outlandishly bad or incredibly fabulous. Most people fall somewhere in between which is were I fall most of the time but I must say that a good 80% of the concertgoers were dressed so horribly I silently wept in honor of all the tasteful pieces of clothing that would be shipped off to outlet shopping centers and die there on the rack while these people chose to stuff boobs, butts, and other body parts I don't care to see into glittery spandex and calling it cute. The other 20% was a mix consisting of chicly dressed women (and a few men who they drug in with them) and some ambitious girls dressed in Bebe and 5 inch Steve Madden heels who probably hoped to get backstage.

The concert was called The Package Tour (insert giggles here). I believe it was titled this because there were 3 formerly popular boy bands all wrapped up into one hot little package for all the fans. Of course when I first heard the title something much more inappropriate came to mind but take from that what you will. The show promptly began at 7:30pm with Boyz II Men opening the show followed by 98 Degrees who each played about a 35 minute set. Boyz II Men were great as you would imagine but 98 degrees was just ok....vocally that is. Physically they were insane! I've always felt that Nick Lachey is kind douchebag but his body is tight. Anyway, at promptly 9:00pm one of my childhood dreams finally came to fruition.

The New Kids On the Block hit the stage and for two blissful hours I was merely feet away from the very 1st love of my life Joey McIntyre. I know I'm supposed to say that my father was the first man I ever loved but he was not nearly as cute nor did he show his emotions through song like Joey. My one-sided love affair with him began when I was merely 7 years old. It was legal because he was the youngest one in the group at age 16 but it was wildly inappropriate mainly because I actually wore pajamas with his face on it. He was the cause of my first impure thought. It wasn't grossly sexual because I didn't know what sex was at the time but I knew that I wanted to kiss him and do whatever else went along with that which I was told only grownups did. I would always dream that he was singing all those songs directly to me just like I did last night at the concert only now he's 40 years old and married to a model/real estate agent with 3 kids. I tried not to think about that while I was jumping up and down like a fool belting out syrupy pop ballads and grinning from ear to ear. Let me also give Mr. Jordan Knight an honorable mention here because he has a falsetto that could rival Justin Timberlake's and he also took off his shirt while singing a Prince medley. That dude is ripped and I was grateful. I have to hand it to all 5 of them because they sang and danced on a stage that spun, spit fire, smoke, and strobe lights while rising several feet in the air at separate intervals throughout the show and they never missed a beat. If I ever meet the 40 something man of my dreams I will expect him to do this now that I know it's possible. They sang all of my favorite songs from the past and present and even had 4 different clothing changes....ultimate turn on.

We left the venue with strained voices from all the screaming we did and silly grins after being in the presence of our childhood crushes. We were able to get out of the parking garage fairly quickly because we were parked close to the exit and we were headed towards the highway while the majority of the concertgoers will still exiting the building. Unfortunately, we didn't truly get a head start because the exit we needed to take was closed. The Sleeve proceeded to try and find the right detour but only got frustrated when she couldn't and began to yell, curse, and bang the steering wheel. I always thought that she was crazy but now I had visible evidence of it. At one point it got so uncomfortable that I thought she was going to kill someone and since I was the only other person in the car I quickly realized my fate. She eventually decided to go back and go the only other way she knew which took an extra 30 minutes but at least we got to the right exit and found a McDonald's that was still open so we could finally eat. It wasn't a perfect evening but totally worth the $100 I paid for the ticket.

This week's obsession is the Amada Maxi Dress from Lily Pulitzer. I am a nut for anything nautical and this piece screams yacht chicness. If only I knew someone with a yacht that would invite me aboard I would have the perfect dress. It dips into a V-neck in the front but the big blue bow on the back is what took this dress from love to obsession. I am on the shorter side so I would probably have to have it taken up a little bit if I wanted to wear flat sandals with it but it would be worth the investment because this is a piece that can be worn for years to come. Swoon!