The Hierarchy of Love

I'll admit it, I'm a fan of Valentine's Day. Yes, this over-commercialized silly Hallmark holiday puts the fear of God in men and unrealistic expectations in women and I'm not mad at it. I guess I should clarify that I am a fan of the children's vision of this holiday. When your a kid Valentine's Day is always awesome. You wake up and are fed some type of heart-shaped breakfast item. You get a new outfit to wear to school that day because your mother has purchased some heart infused spectacle for you to show off so she can take pictures for the memory book that you will one day burn in defiance during your teenage years. You get to decorate a shoebox in which you will receive a valentine from everyone in your class even your crush because it's classroom rules. You will then spend the entire afternoon with a sugar high because you've eaten more cookies & cupcakes than you could ever imagine thanks to the Betty Crockering of the room mothers (or fathers, hey I can be progressive). Upon your return from school, you receive more candy and small pink and red gifts from your parents &/or grandparents. Happy, happy day all around.

Valentine's Day doesn't become Satan's holiday until you are old enough to be considered a single adult. For me this happened once I reached college age. The campus is automatically split between couples and singles. You never remember feeling inferior until your roommate's bespectacled lover brings up a dozen roses and treats her to a fancy dinner at Olive Garden while your parents neglected to send you a care package with marshmallow hearts for the first time in your life. Girls begin noticing that the bigger the gift the better the attention and guys begin to notice that the better the gift the better their chances of getting laid.  Herein lies the hierarchy of love.

What's that you say? Love shouldn't have a hierarchy? Oh but it does and best of all it is measured by material things! The lowest level of love is the Valentine's Day card. It says I cared enough to go inside a store and get this and I may even mean the words that are inside. If it's a Hallmark card you really know you're loved. The next level is flowers. It costs more and the buyer actually has to call and have them delivered. If they are delivered to an office building you get bonus points because all of the receiver's co-workers will be super jealous and she'll relish in that. A combination of a card, flowers, dinner, & some ill-fitting red or pink cashmere sweater would be the next level because putting that all together does take some level of coordination. Finally, if you give or receive some type of pricey jewelry you have reached the highest level of love because that which pains the wallet the most is sure to get the biggest return on your investment. A romantic getaway could also be included at this top level, however whether it's deemed successful or not is really anyone's guess. I have a friend who's husband treated her to a 4 day trip to Cabo San Lucas the weekend before Valentine's Day last year. 3 days later when Valentine's Day rolled around he treated her to dinner at one of the poshest restaurants in the city and she pouted during the entire meal because he didn't send her flowers at work. After hearing this story I truly wanted to punch her in the face.

I spent my Valentine's Day putting in nearly 12 hours at work only to bring home another hour of work to enjoy while I watched Grey's Anatomy. I gave my mother a gift bag filled with her favorite chocolates, gift cards, and a copy of Shakespeare in Love which is her favorite romantic movie. I feel better knowing I made someone's day special especially since I later found out that my father re-gifted her some stupid stuffed animal that he got her for Valentine's Day 5 years ago. He is an idiot. I gifted myself $10 worth of my favorite candy from Walgreens and allowed myself to have exactly two bites of a cupcake at the Valentine's Day party at work as if that will somehow reduce my cellulite. Clearly love is all around. At least tomorrow is Friday and the 15th so must of us who are lucky enough to have jobs are probably getting paid and there's nothing I love more than that.

This week's obsession was the Ellen Tracy Heart Dress pictured above. Last week I was desperately looking for something super cute to wear for Valentine's Day so at least I could take pleasure in the fact that I was a single who looked sexy on the day of love. I ordered the dress from Macy's at 30% off and it came yesterday so naturally when I tried it on it looked awful. The dress itself was great but it did not fare well on my body so I am giving you a picture of what it would have looked like had I been 5 inches taller, 20 pounds lighter, and smiling. I pulled out a red jacket I got on clearance from Von Maur a few years ago to wear and called it a day. On the bright side, at least when I return the dress I will have a little extra money to spend on something fabulous!