Fly Away Home

One of the few perks of my job, besides a steady paycheck of course, is the amount of paid time off that we receive that is of course if you are ever able to find the time to take off. I used 3 of those precious days this week to spend time visiting my dear college friend Sarah and the newest edition to her family little miss Layla Hadlee. Sarah is married with 3 children under the age of 4 so many of my co-horts questioned why I chose to spend my vacation time in a house full of children in Minnesota in the dead of winter. On the surface I would agree with them as my idea of a fun Saturday night includes online shopping, Panda Express takeout, and a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills marathon because let's face it Beverly Hills is by far the best in the franchise. In reality, I actually love going to visit her because despite her taking on all the responsibilities of both adulthood and parenthood she has not lost her propensity to have ridiculous amounts of fun plus her children are adorable baby face angels. More importantly, when I visit I get to be part of the type of family that I always wished I had growing up but will never be able to create on my own. I feel at home.

Sarah drove an hour to the airport to pick me up amid having a sick child at home, a hungry 10 week old and a 2 year old in the back seat who is still having difficulty adjusting to no longer being the baby in the family. She still managed to have a fully entertaining adult conversation with me all while filling me in on the plans for my stay. The driving purpose of my visit was to see her baby as I had missed the customary newborn visit for her other two children. That evening I finally got to hold Layla because she was crying and I thought that picking her up would be a positive thing. I of course with zero baby experience made the situation worse as she began to scream the longer I held her. I have since learned that babies have a series of cries. These include the hungry cry, change me cry, I'm hot cry, I'm cold cry, I've lost my binky cry, It's too loud in here cry, There's a stranger holding me cry, I want more attention cry, and my personal favorite, I'm crying because I feel like it. Sarah of course knew each cry and didn't criticize me for not knowing what to do. I eventually got a smile out of her by clapping to the musical stylings of Katy Perry so I guess the trip wasn't a total loss.

While I was there I also had the pleasure of meeting some friends of theirs a couple with two children that were relatively new to town named Jonas and Katie. They of course turned out to be as cool as you would imagine a couple named Jonas and Katie would be which is much cooler than I will ever be. They both dressed like hipsters but not ironically which is a feat in itself and were very kind to me the strange single chocolate lady hanging around their friend's house. Sarah watches their two children a few days a week meaning there are actually hours a day that she cares for 5 children on her own. Let me tell you after witnessing that it indeed takes a level of multitasking I didn't know existed. Katie stopped by one day on her lunch hour to breastfeed her baby which also happened to be feeding time for Sarah's baby. There I sat relaxing in a recliner watching Kim and Kourtney Take Miami while Katie and Sarah draped in trendy breastfeeding blankets fed their children while discussing our incomprehension of Scott Disick's fashion choices and Rob Kardashian's rapid weight gain after getting dumped by Rita Ora.

It was in that moment that I realized how insignificant my life must seem in comparison. I know that comparing yourself to others is a suicide mission at best but how on earth do I measure up to that? The answer is I don't. I could have easily regaled them with my stories of online dating disasters and my obsession with Michael Kors spring line as a desperate attempt to seem relevant but I revelled in the fact that they too were reality tv junkies and for a moment I felt like we had more in common than not even if my feelings are completely delusional. Truth be told it is refreshing to see couples with children who still actually like each other. I see a lot of couples who stay together even though they're miserable and I can understand that because hey it's probably alot cheaper to stay together than give it a go on your own but honestly what is the cost of being unhappy and is it worth it? Sarah and her husband face quite a challenge everyday in raising 3 children but they work at it and more importantly they work together. He is actually capable of watching all 3 girls by himself and it surprises me how many woman would never dream of leaving their children alone with their fathers and that speaks volumes about their choices in mates. Yeah, I said it.

Other highlights of the trip included a girls night at the movie theatre to see Safe Haven complete with a $5 popcorn and soda special, a dance party in the living room with two adorable princesses, and a little me time watching Chelsea Lately in front of the fireplace while browsing my Nordstrom's mobile app. Heaven. They dropped me off at the airport were I enjoyed some Chick fil-a in my terminal and got close to finishing my copy of Mindy Kaling's book while sipping on ginger ale at 20,000 feet in the air. As a side note, how does any one ever truly enjoy anything at 20,000 feet in the air? I have to bring a book and eat a snack just to take my mind off the fact that I am hurdling through the air and some ungodly speed and sitting next to a possible serial killer who somehow made it through security to visit his mother in Topeka. In reality I'm sure the guy wasn't a serial killer but he spent the entire time on his laptop typing something in Mandarin which just means he's much smarter than me apparently to smart to even say hello. Rude much?

I'm back at home now and appropriately dreading going back to work in the morning. These are the times when I wish that I was in Sarah's position when my job would entail raising children instead of monitoring adult children who throw hissy fits muddled with curse words but then I remember that she spent an entire day making pita bread from scratch for gyros night and I become content with a life where I can choose to go without food for a week in order to spend that money on a dress I just had to have. I may or may not have actually done that last week.....  

This week's obsession is this Micro-tweed jacket I found at J.Crew. I fell in love with it when I first spotted it in their February catalog but then I had the pleasure of trying it on at the store yesterday and now I am full on obsessed. The color is goregous and there are so many options with this piece that it may actually be worth paying retail value but I somehow found enough self control not to purchase it and instead wait for a sale. Remember the Eliza J dress I obsessed about last blog? Well it has sold out online so I am patiently waiting a call from a Norstrom's in Bellevue, WA in hopes that they have my size in their store so I can pay full price and have it shipped to me. I know, I know I shouldn't pay full price but this just may be worth it, at least that's what I'll tell myself when I authorize the charge to my debit card.

The Hierarchy of Love

I'll admit it, I'm a fan of Valentine's Day. Yes, this over-commercialized silly Hallmark holiday puts the fear of God in men and unrealistic expectations in women and I'm not mad at it. I guess I should clarify that I am a fan of the children's vision of this holiday. When your a kid Valentine's Day is always awesome. You wake up and are fed some type of heart-shaped breakfast item. You get a new outfit to wear to school that day because your mother has purchased some heart infused spectacle for you to show off so she can take pictures for the memory book that you will one day burn in defiance during your teenage years. You get to decorate a shoebox in which you will receive a valentine from everyone in your class even your crush because it's classroom rules. You will then spend the entire afternoon with a sugar high because you've eaten more cookies & cupcakes than you could ever imagine thanks to the Betty Crockering of the room mothers (or fathers, hey I can be progressive). Upon your return from school, you receive more candy and small pink and red gifts from your parents &/or grandparents. Happy, happy day all around.

Valentine's Day doesn't become Satan's holiday until you are old enough to be considered a single adult. For me this happened once I reached college age. The campus is automatically split between couples and singles. You never remember feeling inferior until your roommate's bespectacled lover brings up a dozen roses and treats her to a fancy dinner at Olive Garden while your parents neglected to send you a care package with marshmallow hearts for the first time in your life. Girls begin noticing that the bigger the gift the better the attention and guys begin to notice that the better the gift the better their chances of getting laid.  Herein lies the hierarchy of love.

What's that you say? Love shouldn't have a hierarchy? Oh but it does and best of all it is measured by material things! The lowest level of love is the Valentine's Day card. It says I cared enough to go inside a store and get this and I may even mean the words that are inside. If it's a Hallmark card you really know you're loved. The next level is flowers. It costs more and the buyer actually has to call and have them delivered. If they are delivered to an office building you get bonus points because all of the receiver's co-workers will be super jealous and she'll relish in that. A combination of a card, flowers, dinner, & some ill-fitting red or pink cashmere sweater would be the next level because putting that all together does take some level of coordination. Finally, if you give or receive some type of pricey jewelry you have reached the highest level of love because that which pains the wallet the most is sure to get the biggest return on your investment. A romantic getaway could also be included at this top level, however whether it's deemed successful or not is really anyone's guess. I have a friend who's husband treated her to a 4 day trip to Cabo San Lucas the weekend before Valentine's Day last year. 3 days later when Valentine's Day rolled around he treated her to dinner at one of the poshest restaurants in the city and she pouted during the entire meal because he didn't send her flowers at work. After hearing this story I truly wanted to punch her in the face.

I spent my Valentine's Day putting in nearly 12 hours at work only to bring home another hour of work to enjoy while I watched Grey's Anatomy. I gave my mother a gift bag filled with her favorite chocolates, gift cards, and a copy of Shakespeare in Love which is her favorite romantic movie. I feel better knowing I made someone's day special especially since I later found out that my father re-gifted her some stupid stuffed animal that he got her for Valentine's Day 5 years ago. He is an idiot. I gifted myself $10 worth of my favorite candy from Walgreens and allowed myself to have exactly two bites of a cupcake at the Valentine's Day party at work as if that will somehow reduce my cellulite. Clearly love is all around. At least tomorrow is Friday and the 15th so must of us who are lucky enough to have jobs are probably getting paid and there's nothing I love more than that.

This week's obsession was the Ellen Tracy Heart Dress pictured above. Last week I was desperately looking for something super cute to wear for Valentine's Day so at least I could take pleasure in the fact that I was a single who looked sexy on the day of love. I ordered the dress from Macy's at 30% off and it came yesterday so naturally when I tried it on it looked awful. The dress itself was great but it did not fare well on my body so I am giving you a picture of what it would have looked like had I been 5 inches taller, 20 pounds lighter, and smiling. I pulled out a red jacket I got on clearance from Von Maur a few years ago to wear and called it a day. On the bright side, at least when I return the dress I will have a little extra money to spend on something fabulous!

Plan B

So I started out my week attending a meeting which was scheduled with a work purpose but ended up being a brainstorming session for my co-worker's Match.com user name. I wish I was joking, but the chair of the meeting actually indulged her for about 2 minutes while everyone (I would have suggested flexible&shedding78) gave their idea of a user name that would garner the attention of respectable men. Wonderful. As if she needs anymore attention. This co-worker who in previous posts I have referred to as The Sleeve, is now down about 65 pounds and talks about it in some capacity everyday even though it's physically evident to everyone. The reason she had this surgery in the first place was to increase her chances of fertility. She is in her mid 30's with no spouse or children and her biological clock is getting unbearably loud so now she is beginning to put her plan B into place.

Plan B is the plan that everyone makes so they will have something to fall back on if their dreams don't come true. We start this contingency plan in infancy. We cry our eyes out knowing that our caregiver will come to our rescue with a bottle or comfortable napping arrangements. We stop this when our caregiver insists that we feed and clothes ourselves as we grow older and make a general outline for how we want our life to go. When the reality of life hits and life isn't as amazing at 22 like we thought, that is when we create a more solid plan B. For a lot of women this involves going for a Master's or PhD in an effort to make more money so the cash can keep you warm at night when a husband or children cannot. But then of course there's the overachieving wives who are in an executive position in their career and work on their Master's while 6 months pregnant with their 2nd child making all of us singles look bad.

I myself don't really have a plan B because I never really had a solid plan A. As a child I just thought that things happen naturally. You graduate high school, go to college and major in something that interests you, while in college or graduate school you meet a guy that makes all high school crushes pale in comparison, then you marry him and have 2.5 kids while working your way up the corporate ladder. I honestly believed this is how things would happen for me but then the worst happened. I came home from college without a ring or a man. In my culture (the culture of middle class Christians residing in a Midwestern town of roughly 150,000 people) if you are a woman and aren't married by 25 you are considered a spinster. I believe they used to burn you at the stake but they got too many complaints about the smell of burning flesh coming from the town square. I've been getting the pity stares for years now but instead of creating a real plan B that I could spout off in response to the question "Why don't you lower your standards and date my creepy cousin so we can double date?" I just began dressing better in an effort to further confuse people as to the reason for my current singledom. I also laugh at their small-mindedness alot.

The Sleeve wants a baby more than anything so much so that I thought she was seriously considering adoption in the near future. Apparently she is now planning to go the more traditional route and meet a mate before starting a family. As with most everything she says and does, I am finding this process most entertaining. I am sympathetic with her plight. She's a kind, smart, generous woman that has dated some real losers and deserves to meet a nice man that will treat her well. Her plan is pretty straightforward. Step one, lose 100 pounds. Step two, meet a man on Match.com. Step three, pray he makes enough money so I can quit my job after the wedding but 3 years before having kids so I can be super prepared/trophy wife. Step four, have a baby boy and name it Kayden, Ayden, or Jayden. Step five, sell my house and buy a house next door to my parents so my mother can meddle properly. Step six, have a baby girl and name it Gracie, Sophie, or AshLee. Step seven, don't die alone. I'm not really sure how this is going to pan out but I can guarantee she will fill me in on every single detail.

My obsession this week surrounds this Eliza J fit and flare dress I found at Nordstroms. Although it's still several weeks away, I am already on the hunt for my Easter dress. For Christian folk Easter is like the Oscars so people generally come to church on Easter Sunday in their best. I would say that I dress for Jesus but He knows that I would be lying and may set me ablaze otherwise so I will admit that on Easter I dress in hopes of snatching a compliment away from all those freakin' kids in adorable suits and dresses with matching hats. Anyways, I think this may be the winner for this year's Easter dress but I'm still keeping my options open. I have a pair of patent leather peep-toe heels that I would pair with it to give me legs for days but more importantly a bright pink belt, preferably with a bow, is a must so I have to find that first. Where can I find that, Lily Pulitzer maybe? She's always good for that.

 

 

 

Super Nap Sunday

We are already 33 days into 2013 and I am just now getting around to writing my first blog post of the year. My commitment to my job is really beginning to ruin my social networking. My apologies to all 3 of my faithful readers. My life has taken a turn to a whole new level of bizarreness. On Monday I was invited to a Super Bowl party. Yes I'm serious. If you know me, have met me, or have eyes, you would assume that I would be completely out of place at any type of sports themed event. I know very little about sports but I believe I can accurately conclude that the Super Bowl is the biggest event of the year for a sports lover. Every other status update I read is in reference to their excitement or misery about the teams playing in the big game tomorrow and recipes found on Pinterest that hostesses are swapping with each other. The two ladies who invited me are the hostesses of the small group I belong to at church. One of them is very athletically inclined and actually coaches a softball team so I'm led to believe that she actually cares about this event. The other is a fairly girl girl much like myself but admitted to going only going for the food and fellowship which brings me to my next point, I don't know that I believe that most women actually like football.

Now don't accuse me of being sexist because no one is more supportive of a woman doing whatever the hell she sets her mind to than me. If women want to do things that are typically thought of as male activities more power to them but whenever I see a woman at a football game I always wonder if she's really enjoying herself or if she's daydreaming about the things she could be doing if she hadn't told her boyfriend/fiance/husband/crush that she loves football. Oh the things we do to attract a man. I once told a guy in high school that I was crushing harder than my chair (I was chubby then) that I liked basketball and actually chose a team to proclaim was my favorite. To my surprise I had picked a team that was good but he never took an interest in me. I can't believe I sat through Space Jam for nothing.

In my memory I've only been to 4 football games in my life and each one was a homecoming game during my college years. I only went because everyone on campus went and it would be creepy to stay in the dorms alone. The tradition was to do a little tailgating beforehand and then proceed to sit through a 3-4 hour game in which one year it was so cold I honestly thought 3 of my toes had completely been frozen off. Since I went to a Christian school we didn't have the advantage of drinking alcoholic beverages before or during the game, unless of course you snuck in a flask (tisk, tisk Gabby) so I had to endure each and every moment of that experience completely sober. I will admit that if I was forced to choose between watching a game on tv or actually going to the game being their live does make things a little better because it's hard not to get caught up in the excitement when you are surrounded by a large group of people and your team is winning. The problem for me is I know absolutely nothing about the rules of the game so I never knew if things were going well or terribly wrong. I vowed to cheer when the person next to me cheered and boo whenever they booed. The entire atmosphere is bizarre. People were actually saying things to me like "Can you believe that call?" Once I decided that I couldn't believe it since I didn't know what it meant nor did I care, I simply replied in my most offended voice "No way, unbelievable!"

I have girlfriends that have actually told me they're excited that their spouses spent their tax return on season tickets to their alma mater's football games instead of a trip somewhere tropical or an obscenely over-priced handbag. I even have a girlfriend that gets so excited about baseball spring training she starts a countdown to it each year. What has happened to these women? Their love may be a result of a favorite pastime they spent with their father or grandfather. Many of them love entertaining so hosting a sports party is the perfect way to invite people into your home to show off your cooking skills. Perhaps they used to be a cheerleader and miss being on the sidelines taking in every moment of the game. Some of them maybe knew that they have the physical prowess to actually play on a team with the guys but were denied the chance so they live vicariously through the players. There are also a group of women who are simply in denial. They know it's the only way they will have the chance to spend time with their men during the season so they put on that hideous jersey and spend their Sundays screaming at referees through the television set telling themselves that they love it.

Whatever their reason, I hope everyone enjoys their Super Bowl Sunday. I plan to spend mine napping and watching last week's episode of Girls and Nashville on DVR. I'm actually really excited about that. I may dump some little weenies into a pot of BBQ sauce and put toothpicks in them in honor of my fellow females who will have a group of men in their basement sitting in front of a big screen (purchased for sporting events but mainly used for watching Keeping Up with the Kardashian marathons) and eating them out of house and home.

This week on my style radar are boots because let's face it, the best ones are ridiculously expensive and now is the time of year to get them on sale. I fell in love with these Bandolino beauties back in November but they were $120. Forget that. I have been silently stalking them ever since and to my surprise my mother found them for $58.56 and bought them for me. They are now a part of my ever growing collection with plans to pair them with grey tights and a Jade colored shift dress. Pictures to come.....