Painting Faces

So the big news around the office this week is that The Sleeve and one of her random Match.com dates are now Facebook official. The reason this is big news is because she has taken approximately 5 hours of each 7.5 hour workday to go to each employee's office telling them everything about their relationship in grave detail. I'm talking such detail she made a point to tell me she had to go home and wash the sheets on her bed so that she's prepared "just in case". Maybe I should have told her that whenever a man comes to your home he will always hope that is a possibility he's just waiting to gage whether or not you are going to shut him down if he casually suggests it. By the way he casually suggested that 2 weeks ago and she took the bait. Did I want to know that? Not at all but unfortunately that is part of my knowledge now and I wish I could forget it.

Anyways, she's been dating this troll for about a month now and this weekend he is taking her out of town to meet his father and step-mother. Yes I am referring to him as a troll simply because it's the first thing that came to mind after she insisted on showing me his Facebook pictures. If you saw him you would probably agree that it's a fairly accurate description for what you see. Besides, he's a troll with a good job, no baby mama drama, and a condo near the nicest park in town. I can only hope to have a troll like that myself someday.

She is very excited about this meeting because it normally means that things are getting serious when family introductions are made. He's 42 and she's 35 with a desire to have children as soon as humanly possible so she has admitted that she's okay with being on the fastrack with all of this. She seems to be in a much happier place and I am happy for her because I am a big supporter of women in the over 30 club finding love especially when society tells you it's nearly impossible (except of course for those OurTime.com commercials that makes finding love over age 50 as simple as a few clicks). My only issue with all of this is that she has finally begun to wear makeup and style her hair but only on the days that she knows she will see him. I've been working with her for about a year and a half now and ever since my first day there she has looked like a hot mess every day. We have meetings with various administrators and executives on a regular basis yet she she still comes to work with uncombed hair and not a stitch of makeup regardless.

She also wears the same 4 outfits every week. This consists of two 3/4 sleeved fitted t-shirts 1 solid color and 1 print and 2 solid color long sleeved sweaters. On Friday's she wears jeans and an oversized t-shirt with a Disney character on it. In the Spring and Summer she switches out the sweaters for an argyle cardigan and a lace camisole. It's not about the amount of clothes that she has because I believe you only need to have a few staple pieces for work but they should be professional. She has worked at Lane Bryant for 10 years and they are known for having fun and chic clothing for plus size women. She actually boasts about all of the cute clothes that she has collected from them over the years with her generous 40%-50% discounts and at this point in her weight loss journey she's wearing the smallest size they have at the store. Have I ever seen them? Unfortunately I have not. However, whenever she knows she's going out to dinner with the troll she runs over to the store to buy a new outfit just to go to Applebee's. Are you freakin' kidding me?

Why do some women save all their best stuff just to impress a man? Shouldn't you care how you present yourself to all human beings? I literally have spent hours listening to her talk about a wide range of nonsense but she never dresses up for me. The troll gets all the goods and I am offended.  I would appreciate seeing a little color on that ghostly face from time to time. The Sleeve has spent the better half of her life commiserating her single status but she walks around looking like sad sack. Now that she's met someone she can't seem to believe her good fortune. It's amazing what can happen when you slap on some concealer and a smile isn't it? Everyday I strive to do my best and that includes looking my best because I want to experience the best that life has to offer in all facets of my life. It doesn't require spending an absurd amount of time or a fortune to look pulled together when you leave your house in the morning but you should do it because you want to present your best self all the time and not just when you think someone will be watching you. Trust me someone is always watching you. It's amazing the opportunities that can present themselves when you choose to put your best out into the universe everyday and it can be something greater than meeting a random guy although that's always fun when a free meal is involved.

Sorry to disappoint you but this week's obsession is not clothing but instead I leave you with the beautiful scene pictured above. A friend of mine recently returned from a vacation to West Palm beach with her mother. They stayed at the Four Seasons there and she cannot stop singing the praises of the staff there. She says they actually cried the morning they checked out of the hotel because they didn't want to leave. It is a place where the answer to any question is "Of course we can do that!" Naturally I believe this is the life I was meant to live. I am now obsessed with my desire to go there and experience all this for myself. If I put my tax return towards the trip instead of towards a few months of student loans (who am I kidding part of it is going to a pair of Tom Ford sunglasses) I should be able to afford a few days in paradise in September. I will be calling the hotel in the morning to inquire about the average cost of a tennis lesson with one of their local pros.

31st Birthday

Please take note that I did not entitle this blog entry Happy 31st birthday because I'm not particularly happy about it but I can't stop it from happening. All the milestone birthdays I looked forward to have passed so now I'm just getting older with no real purpose. I can legally drink and rent a car. What's left? My birthday fell on a Thursday this year and there was no way in hell that I was going to spend the day at work so 3 months ago I scheduled to take Thursday  and Friday off to "celebrate" my birthday. Last year for my birthday I spent the day at the Four Seasons St. Louis Spa and had such an amazing experience I decided that this must be an annual occurrence. If you want to take measures to ensure your birthday doesn't suck you simply must take matters into your own hands. Never plan a surprise party for yourself because it will be a disaster and everyone that attends will only complain behind your back about how narcissistic you are. If you leave it up to your friends they will likely plan a random outing that turns into more of a roast than a celebration or they may completely forget about your birthday all together. I found that spending the day in seclusion works best because you'll get exactly what you want and you don't have to fake having a good time when your really miserable.

This year when I called to book my services I found that they now offered a special 3 hour birthday spa package that included a creme brulee butter cream body treatment, a 50 minute massage, and a butter cream pedicure. And yes it cost as much as you think it did but don't judge my splurge. I arrived at the spa 30 minutes early so I could wade in the relaxation pool before my treatments began. I was feeling particularly brave that day so I put on my cute little yellow skirted J. Crew bikini and covered myself in a robe. I went out into the co-ed area of the spa where the pool is located and found that it was completely empty. I couldn't ask for a better scenario. I threw off my robe and climbed into the pool where I enjoyed 30 minutes of peaceful floating in warm cucumber infused water overlooking a beautiful view of downtown St. Louis.

I put in a call to room service to request that a glass of Moscato be brought up to the spa for me just as Emily my favorite esthetician came to get me for my eyebrow wax. Confession, I was a waxing virgin until I met Emily a year ago. My pedicurist made a comment gently suggesting that my eyebrows were unruly so naturally I freaked out about it. On one of my spa trips last year I had Emily work in a lip, chin, & eyebrow wax with my European facial because I figured they probably had the best estheticians in the world there and believe me they do. She waxed those puppies into shape and I loved the way they turned out. Now I have an aversion to going to anyone else because I'm terrified that they will take too much off. Emily knows my brows so intimately! Anyways, after she tortured my eyebrows into the perfect shape she led me back out to the relaxation area where she brought me my glass of Moscato and I enjoyed every last sip. There is something so glorious about drinking at 11:30 am on a weekday. This must be what Ke$ha's life is like. While I was sipping on wine and waiting for my next treatment I checked my cellphone and found that I received a birthday text from my ex. More about that in just a moment.

Monica came exactly at noon to get me for my body treatment and massage. Monica was my masseuse the last time I came to the spa a few months back and she is easily one of the nicest people I have ever met and she is very passionate about wellness. I sent her a thank you card after my visit last time and she remembered and took the time to let me know. Not only did she make sure to bring me a special robe that said "Birthday Girl" on it, she reserved one of the couple treatment rooms for me which was a big deal because those are the best rooms in the spa. They are ridiculously spacious and even have a separate shower and seating area in the room so that you don't have to walk back through the spa and to the locker room to rinse off. After my body treatment I got to use the shower in the room which had dual shower heads on the ceiling and the sides of the wall. That shower could have easily held a family of 6 with room to spare. After a brief lounge on the super comfy couch in the seating area, I enjoyed my massage so much I actually fell asleep during it. I was then escorted to my butter cream pedicure by a lovely manicurist named Kat where I picked a pink sparkly polish (of course) and was treated to a large red velvet cupcake made especially for me. I emerged from the spa a new woman plucked, scrubbed, & completely refreshed. Those people really know how to pamper a girl on her birthday.

So back to the text from hell. The text itself seemed very sincere on the surface but let's face it anything that can open up the wound of rejection must have been sent from Satan himself. The text said "For some reason the song Man Like That by Gin Wigmore makes me think of U, LOL! Happy Birthday". I acknowledged that I like that song and said thank you. To that he replied "I'm sure you will have a great day of awesomeness. Thanks for never disappointing :)" I was too busy having a fabulous day of relaxation that I didn't even register what he said so naturally I waited until the next day to really dissect his text messages. If you've never heard this song it's basically a woman educating her ex's new plaything about all the shady things he will likely end up doing to her. I believe he's reminded of me when he hears this song because I was known in our group of friends as the one who would dole out sensible man advice to co-workers who were married to or in love with douchebags. The guy I hooked up with last night at the bar hasn't called me back what should I do? Stop being a slut. I found sexy texts on my husbands phone and he comes home smelling like Victoria's Secret Heaven. Is he cheating on me? Yes. Please note those are actual questions I've been asked by women desperate not to be alone. He knows I wouldn't settle for that mess so I guess I haven't disappointed him but the fact that I was ever with him is a major disappointment to me. Receiving any text from the ex just makes things worse and brings me back to that dark place I existed in for months after the breakup. I wish I could tell you that 2 years later I don't ever feel that way when I think about him now but that would be a complete lie. I feel like I should be getting better with this as more time passes but I'm still very much a work in progress.

This week's obsession are the items pictured above that I purchased for myself during a short excursion to J.Crew after my trip to the spa. The polk-a-dot tee was a must have because it includes two of my favorite obsessions things with polk-a-dots and things that are pink. The pink long-sleeved tee is a closet staple that I somehow didn't have. The skirt is a gorgeous lavender piece from their collection line and it has tiny circles on it. There's so much I can do with this I don't even know where to begin. The blue striped infinity scarf was 50% off and I wear scarves pretty much everyday so that was a no brainer. Finally my favorite purchase was the neon pink leather ballet flats. I tried to get these last year but they sold out the second they went on sale. They came out with a slightly different pink color this year and I snatched them up for 35% off so I was pleased. All in all not a bad day.

Easter Sunday

Well friends another Easter has come and gone and an abundance of nougat filled chocolate eggs will soon be half price for the taking. I myself just purchased a surplus of Peeps. I am always fascinated at how religious people seem to get this time of year. People who are normally hungover til 3 in the afternoon on Sundays are surprisingly up bright and bushy tailed at the sunrise service. Those who normally only speak God's name with a dammit after it spend hours preparing the perfect Passover meal. Now don't get me wrong I'm not judging anyone for drinking or cursing because I am one who enjoys a glass of wine every now and again and I have been known to utter an F-bomb once or twice a month under my breath. I mean I work in Human Resources so that's kind of expected no?

Anyways I have a friend who was raised in a very religious Catholic family and married a Jewish man a few years ago. Neither one of them are particularly religious now as adults so they didn't make any plans to go to church with either family since they don't attend church with any regularity. I could understand that. I know that each family has an Easter tradition so showing up for church on Easter and Christmas to appease an ailing grandmother or persistent father is part of the game that some of us have to play to keep the peace. I'm not at all suggesting that those who go to church regularly are super spiritual or better than anyone else. There are people I know who are in a pew everytime the church doors are open but they are horrible human beings. I'm just saying that it's amusing to sit back and watch the show in a packed sanctuary that normally has an abundance of open seats on Sunday morning.

No one is perfect and you will never hear me claim to be. I do consider myself a Christian and for me that means following a very simple rule that is extremely difficult to do sometimes. For my people we believe that Jesus died on a cross and rose from the dead on this day as a symbol of God's unconditional love and forgiveness. I know it sounds a little far fetched and even a little like voodoo magic or something but that's the story. Since He did that for us we are also supposed to show the same kind of love and compassion to others regardless of how they treat us or what they believe. I'm not a Bible scholar and this blog is meant to be fun so I'm not going to change the regular subject matter away from fashion and vanity but I just made some observations that I felt like blogging about.

This week's obsession hardly needs an introduction. Jenna Lyon's J.Crew Creative Director & my fashion role model took the time to give us a 2 minute look at her coveted shoe collection. Above is a snapshot from a short video she took talking about where she gets the inspiration for J. Crew collections. Isn't this beautiful? It's like candy for the feet. I actually own one pair that is shown and it makes me feel like a real fashionista. They of course are far too nice to actually wear outdoors so really that just makes me a fool for buying them but they look great as I prance around my room in them.