Self talk

There are pros and cons to being single and contrary to popular belief I try to spend most of my time focusing on the positives. Chelsea Handler reminded me of one of the positives during her recent interview with Oprah Winfrey. She was reminded of a conversation she had with a group of her girlfriends around a swimming pool and all of them had children except for her. While thinking about that day she commented on how nice it was to relax by the pool and not have to keep an eye out for drowning babies. I felt very much the same way this morning.

I ventured out to get a pair of boots on sale that I had been stalking for a few months and much to my surprise they were on clearance with an additional 25% off making a pair of $180 boots only $39.99. My excitement could not be contained. I am still on the search for an Easter dress so I thought I would try my luck at Von Maur to see if I would have the same ridiculous success that I did with the boots. They had a wonderful selection of new dresses for Spring and a helpful staff willing to schmooze me into buying something fabulous so I was in a pretty great mood. Then I entered the dressing room and was greeted by a screaming infant a few rooms away. I am always annoyed by this because really who loves hearing a crying child but I was more grateful that I wasn't the parent who had to deal with the noise. I never realize how freeing it is to shop childless until I see a mother with a stroller, a baby bag, a purse, and a handful of clothing options try to navigate her way through a department store.

While I was attempting to tune out little miss cries a lot, I couldn't help but overhear the woman in the next room talking about her upcoming wedding. She was getting married in May and brought her mother and soon to be mother-in-law to the store to try on dresses for the wedding. Her mother had spotted a gorgeous $400 dress on the sale rack for $150 while looking for herself and insisted her daughter try it on. She spent 20 minutes trying to decide whether or not she was going to actually wear it until her mother suggested she wear it to her bridal shower or the rehearsal dinner. The thing is her mother was buying it for her either way so I say bag it up and go on about your day. Anytime your parents offer to pay for something frivolous let them do it before they come to their senses and change their minds.

 While they were fussing over her designer gown and gushing about her groom, I stood there looking at myself in the mirror and feeling so insecure you could have written an after school special about me. I had on a great dress but all I could think in that moment was that I was ringless and manless and that girl out there had the dress, the ring, and the man. I promised myself I would stop letting these thoughts get to me but per usual I let my mind wander that way. I decided that the fabulous dresses I tried on made my waist look big so I put them back and ran off to find solace in the shoe department. No sooner than I picked up an adorable Nine West pump I was accosted by a woman who had just returned from her honeymoon in Paris and was buying a pair of Steve Madden shoes at full-price which one should never do. She was regaling the sales associate with tales of their amazing trip and I knew I had reached my breaking point. There was a time when I would run home and spend the rest of the day listening to Adele and crying in self pity but surprisingly I've gotten better about it. This time I went to Mrs. Field's Cookies, purchased two shamrock themed cookies, and ate them both in under 5 minutes flat. I know that's not much better than self-loathing through tears but it did make me feel better.

The road to confidence has been a long and difficult journey for me and today I was reminded that I still have a ways to go but I think the fact that I was able to acknowledge my ridiculous self talk is a step in the right direction. I just need to be able to replace the negative self talk with something outrageously narcissistic because a simple "Just do you girl" isn't going to cut it at this point. The next time someone asks me if I'm married I should shoot back at them "No, but I'm so amazing I'm considering marrying myself. If I did would you come to the wedding and buy me a gift?" That's a completely insane thing to say but it's a fun character for me to create and I believe my self-esteem would rise simply out of my creativity.

This week's obsession is this amazing peplum number called the Lowe dress brought to us by the esteemed Lilly Pulitzer. As you know I had trouble tracking down my size in that fabulous striped Eliza J dress so this is my runner up for an Easter dress. It is more expensive than the other dress but it's definitely a one of a kind. I have to order it so I need to make a decision within the next 3 days whether or not I'm going to buy it. If I do I hope it fits because I will not have time to exchange it and at this point I don't have a back up plan.