The Real World

Occasionally MTV creates a show so addicting that it causes people neglect their jobs, children, spouses, and even personal hygiene just so they don't miss a minute of the action. Most recently they've had this success with the 16 & Pregnant/Teen Mom franchise and of course who could forget Snooki & friends on the Jersey Shore. All of these fantastically salacious shows would never have come to be if it were not for the 1st reality series that paved the way for party animals, pregnant teens, and Kardashians everywhere, The Real World. The series started in 1992 and the world has never been the same. They started out in New York with 7 strangers and used the same formula for each season but put the cast in a different city and each season was better than the last.....well at least for the first 10 seasons because let's face it it's been pretty sub par ever since. I don't care to remember how much of my teens & 20's I've wasted watching endless reruns of this show but I was reminded of those special times of laziness when MTV blessed me with a marathon of past Real World season's this weekend.

The funny thing about the Real World is that it bears no resemblance to reality at all. I do believe that they first few seasons were pretty real because they hadn't done it before. They made sure every race, gender, socioeconomic status, and sexual orientation was properly represented and then they turned on the cameras to see how things would play out. The first few seasons challenged people's political and religious beliefs and even broke some racial barriers. The show has since turned into a 8 week audition for VH-1's Celebrity Rehab (another show that was amazingly delicious for the 1st season and then just sad after that). Now that people know they type of characters they like to cast and the fame that can come from it, people are actually making a career out of becoming reality tv stars which takes the "realness" out of the show but you know I still watch it religiously.

Regardless of how ridiculous the show has become it has served up some great moments in reality tv history. There was of course Tami who had her mouth wired shut in order to lose weight and then was drug through the house by a towel screaming sexual harassment. She's now an ex-basketball wife proving their is life after the Real World. Ruthie left her mark on the franchise by being the first admitting alcoholic. I believe Trishelle blessed us with our first Real World pregnancy scare after hooking up with Steven sans condoms. Flora and Melissa from the Miami season...enough said. And my all time favorite the slap heard round the world when Steven slaps Irene across the face for calling him gay. Seattle was one of my favorite seasons because David dated Kira the casting director who also happened to be African-American and she gave up her job just to be with him. That was of course a foolish decision on her part but I loved seeing interracial couples on television. I also loved that season because Janet made smoking look really cool. If you really want to know London was my favorite because it had Jay Frank and I was in love with his sensitivity and general ambivalence. I was 13 don't judge me.

I must admit that a part of me would have loved to have some type of Real World experience in my 20's. When I lay in bed at night fearful of becoming my mother, it would be nice to have a memory of spending a summer in a tricked out house with 6 gorgeous roommates pretending to work for a food stipend, and making a series of bad decisions while drinking grey goose straight out of the bottle. Sure it may cause a problem if any future potential employers were to google me before deciding to extend a hire offer but maybe it would afford me free appetizers at Chili's if someone on the waitstaff were to remember me.

This week's obsession are these beautiful satin cap toe pumps from J.Crew. These scream adult girliness to me so naturally I had to have them. I will admit that I originally purchased them at only 15% off out of fear that they would sell out. It turns out that the size I ordered was too snug so I return them and when I went to order the next size up I found that they had been marked down 25% and then I got an additional 30% off of that price because they were running a promotion. I believe that was God letting me know that I needed them. These beauties are sitting in my closet patiently awaiting a proper spring day so that they can be seen in all their glory.

 

Self talk

There are pros and cons to being single and contrary to popular belief I try to spend most of my time focusing on the positives. Chelsea Handler reminded me of one of the positives during her recent interview with Oprah Winfrey. She was reminded of a conversation she had with a group of her girlfriends around a swimming pool and all of them had children except for her. While thinking about that day she commented on how nice it was to relax by the pool and not have to keep an eye out for drowning babies. I felt very much the same way this morning.

I ventured out to get a pair of boots on sale that I had been stalking for a few months and much to my surprise they were on clearance with an additional 25% off making a pair of $180 boots only $39.99. My excitement could not be contained. I am still on the search for an Easter dress so I thought I would try my luck at Von Maur to see if I would have the same ridiculous success that I did with the boots. They had a wonderful selection of new dresses for Spring and a helpful staff willing to schmooze me into buying something fabulous so I was in a pretty great mood. Then I entered the dressing room and was greeted by a screaming infant a few rooms away. I am always annoyed by this because really who loves hearing a crying child but I was more grateful that I wasn't the parent who had to deal with the noise. I never realize how freeing it is to shop childless until I see a mother with a stroller, a baby bag, a purse, and a handful of clothing options try to navigate her way through a department store.

While I was attempting to tune out little miss cries a lot, I couldn't help but overhear the woman in the next room talking about her upcoming wedding. She was getting married in May and brought her mother and soon to be mother-in-law to the store to try on dresses for the wedding. Her mother had spotted a gorgeous $400 dress on the sale rack for $150 while looking for herself and insisted her daughter try it on. She spent 20 minutes trying to decide whether or not she was going to actually wear it until her mother suggested she wear it to her bridal shower or the rehearsal dinner. The thing is her mother was buying it for her either way so I say bag it up and go on about your day. Anytime your parents offer to pay for something frivolous let them do it before they come to their senses and change their minds.

 While they were fussing over her designer gown and gushing about her groom, I stood there looking at myself in the mirror and feeling so insecure you could have written an after school special about me. I had on a great dress but all I could think in that moment was that I was ringless and manless and that girl out there had the dress, the ring, and the man. I promised myself I would stop letting these thoughts get to me but per usual I let my mind wander that way. I decided that the fabulous dresses I tried on made my waist look big so I put them back and ran off to find solace in the shoe department. No sooner than I picked up an adorable Nine West pump I was accosted by a woman who had just returned from her honeymoon in Paris and was buying a pair of Steve Madden shoes at full-price which one should never do. She was regaling the sales associate with tales of their amazing trip and I knew I had reached my breaking point. There was a time when I would run home and spend the rest of the day listening to Adele and crying in self pity but surprisingly I've gotten better about it. This time I went to Mrs. Field's Cookies, purchased two shamrock themed cookies, and ate them both in under 5 minutes flat. I know that's not much better than self-loathing through tears but it did make me feel better.

The road to confidence has been a long and difficult journey for me and today I was reminded that I still have a ways to go but I think the fact that I was able to acknowledge my ridiculous self talk is a step in the right direction. I just need to be able to replace the negative self talk with something outrageously narcissistic because a simple "Just do you girl" isn't going to cut it at this point. The next time someone asks me if I'm married I should shoot back at them "No, but I'm so amazing I'm considering marrying myself. If I did would you come to the wedding and buy me a gift?" That's a completely insane thing to say but it's a fun character for me to create and I believe my self-esteem would rise simply out of my creativity.

This week's obsession is this amazing peplum number called the Lowe dress brought to us by the esteemed Lilly Pulitzer. As you know I had trouble tracking down my size in that fabulous striped Eliza J dress so this is my runner up for an Easter dress. It is more expensive than the other dress but it's definitely a one of a kind. I have to order it so I need to make a decision within the next 3 days whether or not I'm going to buy it. If I do I hope it fits because I will not have time to exchange it and at this point I don't have a back up plan.

Online Hating

Last Monday morning The Sleeve came rushing into my office to fill me in on the juicy details of her weekend. Friday night she joined Match.com and subsequently spent Saturday and Sunday night chatting away with 3 different guys. She even landed a date with one of them for the following Friday night. She of course spent at least an hour in my office every day last week telling me about their conversations, dreaming about her possible futures with each one of them, and fretting about what to wear on her date. I indulged her because I could tell she was excited and it seemed like the neighborly thing to do. I was a supportive as an annoyed co-worker could be until she uttered those dreaded words, "Hey you should join Match and find you a man too!" I playfully stared her down and replied that I wasn't at a place where I was ready to try online dating because let's face it for me online dating is just an electronic form of rejection.

The truth is I'm not sure that I am at a place where I'm ready to start dating again after the debacle that was my last relationship and unbeknown to her I have already tried online dating and failed miserably. I have literally tried every popular online dating site there is and have horror stories for each so I no longer view online dating as a viable option for me. It would probably take about 10 different blog posts for me to adequately tell you about each failed attempt so today I will entertain you with one of my favorite online dating failures because it introduced me to sushi.

In an effort to allow him to remain anonymous, because he may have reached a point in his life where he would stumble across my blog post in a drunken google search, I will refer to him as YP because I met him through Yahoo Personals. YP was a recent law school graduate who had moved to the area from the East coast. He had taken a job working with the families of terminally ill patients to help them sort out their wills, DNR wishes, etc. It was very interesting to hear him talk about his work and he was very passionate about it which I loved. We also shared an affection for quotes from the tv show The Office which I think is actually what made him fall in love with me.....well fall in love with our webchats and phone conversations. To keep it casual our first meeting was at a Starbucks. On his profile he said that he was 5' 4" which is my exact height and he was not lying. I wore ballet flats in an effort not to tower over him in a pair of my fabulous heels but upon seeing him in person I discovered he wasn't just your average short guy. I have reason to believe that he was an actual little person who had had that limb lengthening surgery only he didn't have it done on his arms because they looked like they still belonged to someone who was about 3' 4". It was then I realized that I would be sentenced to a life of adorable flats so I wouldn't be taller than my date. I know I shouldn't think this way but I'm vain enough to admit that I did.

We had a few more casual outings that went well and he even took me to dinner at one of the nicest restaurants in town where I was exposed to sushi for the first time in my life. On our next hangout (because apparently in today's dating world you hang you don't date) he invited me over to his apartment. It was a tiny one bedroom with a mattress, a futon, a loaf of stale bread, and a psychotic cat. We cuddled up together on the futon to watch some obscure sitcom he loved that only came on WGN late at night and it was then that he inquired about my sexual comfort level. Actually he said and I quote "I have a healthy sexual appetite and I view it as an important part of a relationship." I found this statement very interesting because up to that point he never even tried to kiss me and after that pricey sushi meal he fed me I would have been more than willing. Intellectually I think we were a good match but I was definitely not ready to get physical. Not surprisingly a week later when I tried to open up to him to see if this "relationship" was going anywhere he said he was no longer interested in pursuing me in that way but that we could still be friends. By friends he meant that he would call me 4 months later and invite me to see the new Indiana Jones movie (which totally sucked by the way) and go dutch. Chivalry at its best! Needless to say we never spoke after that but my love for sushi lives on and I have him to thank for that.

This week's obsession is this striped maxi dress by Felicity & Coco. I've always been a supporter of a great maxi dress or skirt because it looks great on all body types, it's uber comfortable, and easy to throw on to look chic while running errands or grabbing outdoor seating for lunch with the girls. I really fell in love with the criss cross back that gives this dress a little something extra. I'm pretty sure I have to have it to take me into the Spring/Summer season but at least I know I will likely wear it every day.

TMI

I am a quiet person by nature and it is both a blessing and a curse. I don't feel the need to speak unless I have something to say which i find saves alot of time. Also, when you don't speak as often you are able to listen twice as much which has always aided me in every situation because the more you listen the more you learn. On the flip side, when people find that I don't talk very much they usually take the opportunity to vent, tattle, or share their deepest and darkest secrets knowing that the chances I would tell someone else are very slim. Others feel the need to fill the silence because it makes them uncomfortable. Unfortunately they choose to fill that silence with nonsense. I have had more extended conversations about weather and how quickly time flies than I care to remember. The funny thing is, I really enjoy talking to people that I like so it's surprising that people never assume from my silence in their presence that I simply do not like them. Everyone take note, if I'm not engaging you in conversation either I'm busy or I don't like you but more than likely I just don't enjoy your company.

I often find that people drift into my office and start talking about anything and everything because they don't feel like working and they want someone to listen to them. I guess I should tell you that I have a can on my desk with a picture of Lucy from Peanuts requesting $.05 for psychiatric help. I put that there as a joke but people still come in and sit down using my services yet not paying a dime. Had I demanded payment from everyone who entered my office I would have had enough money to buy myself a Chloe bag by now. Listen, no one loves hearing gossip more than me but some things I simply do not want to know.

Last week The Sleeve popped into my office to actually conduct some work related business but ended up telling me about the intricacies of her menstrual cycle. Apparently she has a heavy flow and needs to stay on the pill to control it although her brother who is in the medical field thinks that's unhealthy. At one point she actually prefaced her next statement by saying "Maybe I'm sharing too much". Yes, if you feel the need to say that before saying something to someone you are sharing too much and should probably just stop talking all together. Another co-worker stumbled into our conversation with a work related question and after getting her the information she needed from me, The Sleeve brought her up to speed on her period situation. In response our co-worker went on to let us know that she no longer has period issues because she is going through menopause. Had there been a window in my office I would have jumped out of it. After sitting through a 45 minute rant of how much someone hates their brother-in-law while I put together an Excel spreadsheet, I can safely assume that I will always have more information about people than I really care to know.

This week's obsession is this Burberry Prorsum Satin Bustier & Sequined Skirt. In the words of everyone's favorite skeleton Rachel Zoe "I die"! This outfit is fierce and nowhere near my price range but I love to look at it and imagine how many heads would turn if I entered the room wearing it. Well I assure you heads would turn because my thighs would be screaming for freedom and people would probably think I wasn't quite pulling it off but my arms are toned enough that I'd hope to draw their attention upward towards my non-existent cleavage.