I am in a daily battle with my self-esteem and this week was quite a struggle. I must say that I feel pretty good about myself until I leave my house. I haven't yet mastered the art of maintaining confidence in myself when faced with a beautiful woman. I guess I should start out by saying that my current celebrity obsession is supermodel Chrissy Tiegen pictured above. Isn't she stunning? I see hundreds of beautiful women every month as I flip through some of my favorite fashion magazines but Chrissy stands out from all of them. At first I knew her as the delicious arm candy of one of my favorite artists John Legend but then I began to follow her on Twitter and found that she's more than just a pretty face. She's charitable, intelligent, a gourmet chef in training, and has an amazing sense of humor. She's self-deprecating which I can appreciate but it's hard to believe that someone who looks like that could ever look at her own reflection and not smile. I imagine that everyone has some insecurity. Chrissy was on Fashion Police and invited Joan Rivers into her West Coast home that she shares with John. As they were going through her amazing walk-in closet she tried on some bikinis from her swimsuit line, as models do, and she complained that she wished her legs were longer.
Some would say that I have nothing to complain about since I'm not overweight or completely unfortunate looking but that certainly won't keep me from whining. I've always felt that my eyes are too big although they always tell me that's a good thing whenever I visit a makeup counter. I carry a pocket of fat around my kneecaps and I carry all my weight in my hips & thighs so it's nearly impossible for me to carry off that long leg look when I wear skirts. To top it all off I have flat feet a wonderful trait I inherited from my father so although I'm only 5'5" I wear a size 9 1/2 and people always stare at my feet in horror (which plays into my foot phobia) when I wear flip flops so I only do so when getting a pedicure. While I have spent most of the summer worshipping at the altar of Ms. Tiegen I seemed to have forgotten that she is human which means that she may do something that I don't agree with. As the days to the election drew closer she began to make a series of disparaging tweets badmouthing the candidate she wasn't voting for and anyone who was planning on voting for him. I could have found it somewhat humorous except for the fact that I'm fairly sure she wasn't joking. It really came off as childish and close-minded which is unfortunate because I thought she was so cool. I personally didn't make any public statements about who I was voting for because I feel it's more important to promote exercising your right to vote and staying informed about what is going on in our government. I don't have a problem with people talking politics and being passionate about it. Quite frankly I didn't think that either candidate was stellar but I am always open to hearing other people's views because I always learn something. I also have never voted along party lines so there are normally things I like about both candidates but I did choose the one I felt would do the best for our country. Needless to say as beautiful I still believe Chrissy is I can't say that I still wish I were her which is probably a good thing. Oh please who am I kidding? She could have written in a vote for Satan and I would still die to be her. Please negate everything I just said. I will forgive and completely forget. I am full on obsessed with her once again. Damn you Chrissy.
Unfortunately for me there are still plenty of non-celebrities that I look up to for all the wrong reasons. For example, I was in Von Maur the other day buying this fabulous Nine West dress (pictured below) that was originally priced at $129 but I was snagging it up for $27 and the girl in front of me at the checkout counter was taking a long time. Normally I don't mind waiting in line for a little while to get a great deal but I was a little irritable that day because I was hungry and really wanted to get out of there and get a frosted covered calorie-laden cookie at Mrs. Fields. The girl turned around to apologize for the time she was taking but I could hardly be mad at her because she was a vision. She was 5'4" and barely tipped the scales at 98lbs. She had long flowing blonde hair, perfectly tanned skin, liquid leather leggings, brand new Tory Burch flats with a matching clutch, and a blinged out I-phone. Her problem was that she had picked out a sparkly netted tunic top almost identical to the one she was wearing and there was a snag in the fabric so she wanted the sales associate to see if they had another in her size that she could buy instead. Since she was paying full price for this item I too would have wanted the same thing. I told her it was fine but in my head I was thinking "Anyone who looks like that doesn't have to apologize for anything". I of course felt like I was dressed like a homeless person in comparison to her when in reality I had on a very chic casual Saturday shopping outfit that other patrons in the store actually complimented me on. She looked cute and so did I. There doesn't have to be a winner but unfortunately as women we have a habit of competing on everything instead of supporting and celebrating each other. I won't lie a part of me still wishes I looked like Chrissy Tiegen or Miss Tory Burch but I need to accept the fact that I never will but also realize that it's ok to look like the best version of myself because that's who God created me to be.
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