Put A Ring On It

This year I've been trying to embrace my singleness because I've finally come to terms with the fact that, much like my student loans, it's not going away any time soon. While embracing my singledom I feel that I must also acknowledge the varying levels of single person behavior (SPB) that I engage in. I of course partake in the usual SPB crimes such as eating in bed, falling asleep with the tv on, and deeming a jar of peanut butter a completely balanced meal but there are others I have done that I used to qualify for complete shame. In an effort to be transparent I feel the need to expose one of these behaviors so that I may ask forgiveness from the gods that solve 1st world problems while I continue to shamelessly do this. I, on occasion, wear a fake engagement ring. Go ahead and let the judgement begin.

Let me first say that I started wearing this accessory not out of desperation to fit in with all of my engaged/married friends but I wore it simply out of pure vanity. I spotted the sparkler a few years ago on QVC. Watching QVC is another SPB that I engage in whenever they have a Diamonique Epiphany Collection show because all the items are super cheap but look like the real thing. I don't normally buy anything because I just like looking at sparkly things while I eat my lean cuisines on a tv tray but for some reason that night I felt compelled to buy something. At the advice of my favorite QVC host Lisa Roberts, I hopped online and purchased a cushion 100-facet solitaire ring that was on easy pay for two payments of $24.00. I simply couldn't pass it up.

I put it on the day it came in the mail and surprisingly it sparkled on my little finger exactly like it did on my tv screen. I had planned to take it off and put it back in the box to keep it looking shiny but I completely forgot that I had it on and went to Wendy's to get something for dinner. When I pulled up to the drive-thru window some wannabe thug cashier tried to hit on me while taking my money. The second he finished giving me his lame pick up line he quickly recanted and said "Hey yo I'm sorry I didn't know you had a man." I had no idea what he was talking about until I looked down at my hand and realized I still had my new sparkler on. He thought it was an engagement ring. Not only is this ring beautiful and realistic, it scares off creeps. This is awesome! After that incident I started seeing my little investment in a whole new light. I couldn't think quick enough on my feet to make up a story about a fake fiancé so I just said thank you to anyone who assumed the ring was a real representation of a relationship.

I couldn't get away with playing this game anywhere in my little town where people know me so I wore the ring to a J. Crew in the city one day and my personal shopper congratulated me on my imaginary engagement. At the time I was in what can loosely be described as an online relationship with a complete loser and the thought of actually being engaged to him still makes me dry heave to this day but the fact that people loved the ring actually made me smile. For a few moments I knew what it felt like to be the woman that a man wanted so much he was willing to spend his hard earned money on a shallow bauble and commit his life to her. It was then understood why even people in rocky or shallow relationships flaunt their engagements, the praise they get from total strangers really helps feed their insecurities!

After having a little fun I realized that I would have to really limit the amount of time I wore the ring because I certainly couldn't keep up the charade of an engagement to a man who didn't exist. The funny thing is I refuse to try on wedding dresses or real diamond rings just for fun because I am certain that it will jinx me and I'll never actually get married. I now only wear the ring at home every now and then when I'm feeling low. It still gives me a little sense of comfort that one day it still might happen for me and what it might feel like. I also get to imagine that any man I want is my fiancé. Currently I imagine that it's Chris Pine. I'm glad to finally have that off my chest. Just so you know I fully plan on continuing to wear it at home while cleaning, eating, sleeping, praying, dancing, laughing, or just dreaming because I'm single and I can do whatever I want.

To stay with the ring theme, this week's fashion find is this Epiphany Diamonique Double Halo Pink Ring courtesy of QVC. I would love to buy this but I haven't yet had a moment low enough in my life this year where I thought buying this was a good idea. It's actually on clearance for $48 but I've been eyeing a pair of Coach booties that are on sale for double the cost of this fake bauble so a tough decision will have to be made but I can promise you those booties will be on my doorstep next week if they still have my size come payday. I have provided a picture of them below. Please feel free to salivate as needed.

Hello Again

Hello all,

I hope the new year finds you well. We are 5 days in and I've yet to do anything I completely regret so I still have high hopes for 2014. I've also been on vacation since Christmas so I imagine my optimisim will wane quickly when I go back to work on Monday morning. I know it has been nearly 5 months since my last post and I apologize for my silence. Life had become uncharacteristically busy for me and my blog had to take a backseat to real world commitments. Real life sucks. I'd much rather be typing out my dreams and fantasies instead of sitting at my desk at work realizing that 80% of them will probably never come true. Not to fear though I am back and anxious to share stories about the adventures I've been on during the last few months. In true fashion they include several embarrassing moments, personal failures, daily annoyances, epiphanies, and my personal favorite continued rejection from men. I used to think that God was punishing me by allowing me to have all of these embarrassing dating experiences but now I take it in stride. I'm not so unfortunate looking that men wince when they see me, they've never referred to me as crazy or clingy which I think works in my favor, and most importantly the more dates I go on, failures or not, the more opportunties I have to buy and wear fierce outfits that I don't actually need. Basically God is allowing this all to happen for your entertainment so be sure to look up and thank Him when you get a chance. See we all win.

I myself don't normally make any resolutions but I fully support others who do. Weight loss is probably the most popular one and we are all now inundated with hundreds of commercials promising incredible results if we will simply take a pill that may or may not destroy our internal organs, work out nonstop for 5 hours a day, or frolic around a field with Jessica Simpson and her Weight Watchers plan. I have been able to stick with a regular workout routine thanks to Jillian Michaels and her wealth of videos but I always like to keep my eye out on new things to break up the monotony a little because I actually hate working out and contrary to popular belief it makes me sweat not glisten. Rachel Zoe and her team like to come up with a list of chic accessories every now and then to help fashionistas get excited about physical fitness. In her latest email she provided links to 10 different items all sure to make exercise feel fabulous. Although the $135 jump rope was tempting (not at all), my favorite is the Alexander McQueen skull printed towel that I have pictured above. She suggests that you take this along with you to cool down at the gym and it will only cost you a mere $295. Seriously? I guess this is how the wealthy rid themselves of sweat after a workout. If I was going to spend that much on a towel I certainly wouldn't dry my body with it. More than likely I would use it as a throw for my couch to discourage guests from sitting there but I would still brag about that fact that it was designer. Now that I think about it I usually feel like I'm going to die after I finish a Jillian Michaels workout so if I actually do end up dying as a result of a one-handed push up I would like my family to wrap my sweaty corpse in this towel.